el rancho

What the heck in the world? (as Elizabeth would say)

2007-03-13T01:09:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth seemed excited to sit down with Mrs. Whatsit who was attempting to sell me a gutter guard system for mah home. Leaning into the table I'm stunned I invited her in.

E: You know you look just like Daniel's Mom only she washes her hair.

Me: Elizabeth, that's impolite to say something like that.

Mrs. Whatsit: That's ok honey...I pulled it up today because I didn't wash it.

E: See she didn't wash it.

Mrs. Whatsit: She's got a lot of spunk. (I wish she hadn't used the word spunk). I nod and turn to E.

Me: It's ok if she wants to tell you she didn't wash her hair...it's not ok for you tell her she didn't wash her hair...feel me?

E: Like I can say Hilary's fatty-fat-fat but I can't say it when Hillary is around.

Me: What does Hillary's weight have to do with who Hillary is? Better yet, how could what she weighs be any of your business?

(Dramatic Pause)

E: If she was sitting on my leg it would really be my business.

Me: Please go to your room.

E: Why? I didn't call her fat?

Me: Take a break

E: If she was on my leg then I would have to go to the hospital and drink with a straw in my arm.

Me: Seriously...your room...now.

I sidestep the hard sell, shuffle Mrs. Whatsit out the door, and visit Lizardo who is singing to her fish.

Me: Is there something you would like to say?

E: You know some people might call you big ole fat Daddy...(pause)...but I never would (evil grin).

What the hell do you say to that?

dreamy baby

2007-02-12T17:23:00.000-08:00

Greater than meditation is to share God with someone.

Greater than prayer is to fulfill someone else's need.

Greater than fasting is to feed someone who is starving.

I am thankful today for the food in my home...the ability to care for and support my children...and for all of the possibilities Spring brings.

Cheery...nauseating...a cardboard cutout for my own brand of Up With People optimism? Maybe -

Off to Nashville for work...and hopefully some good gallery bopping.

End of the day

2007-02-06T20:14:00.000-08:00

There was a girl on the roof...barefoot and wrapped in traditional fabrics. Reconnaissance shoppers...craned their necks and scrutinized the motionless figure. Some determined reasons, others simply asked why? Quite a hooha on the ground as the wind wrapped around her, fifteen feet above their heads. Excerpt of their day, energy consumed, prattle to yackety-yak...all for something, absolutely, none of their business.

Here is The Ad

2007-02-06T19:44:00.000-08:00

Human characteristics assigned to non-human things

2007-02-05T20:05:00.000-08:00

Anthropomorphic - got called to the mat on that one today and was dictionary.com'd. It was over a baby doll pict. Not the hoochy-mama, hot pants, sort...an actual baby doll with pigtails and a pink bow to tie them wid. Doing a new ad -

Innocent Baby Doll looks coy/frightened - Light Pink/Yellow grad BG

Headline - Show Me On The Doll Where Broadcast Design Has Touched You.

Some concerns were tossed about that it might offend movie studio/tv network/ad agency folkses. But, I love it...we'll see what kind of response we get?

anywhere...really

2007-01-30T15:32:00.000-08:00

I could just wipe it on the floor
How about you wipe it in a tissue
I wipe'm on the floor in nap time...then Jamie thumps them
That's gross baby
I'm not making it up Daddy
I didn't think you were
I always tell the wiping truth
That's mah girl:)

mixing happy and sparkle without the sparkle

2006-09-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

I was told this evening (for the 3rd or 4th time) that my youngest daughter’s favorite color is shiny. I happen to like the color happy. You could say happy makes me happy…even if I’m feeling shiny. I also like the color melancholy…I seem to write longer under the spell. Not that length matters. I’m a fair distance from writing goals this week. Not that, that matters. I did learn a new color and that makes me happy. Happy, happy not the color happy.

that's the dial tone

2006-09-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

There’s a simple litmus test to determine how close you are to someone by listening in on their cell phone conversations. Listening, as in eavesdropping when they are in the vicinity – making it impossible for you not to hear the conversation, not the listening that requires electronic devices and a court order. The better you know someone the more you know about the conversation. Can you tell who they are talking to by the way your friend responds? Do you have “insider” knowledge about a life event that was only covered in a cursory overview to the phone “friend”? Everyone has pretended to be on the lookout for mythical creatures (“the fifty yard cell phone stare”) when someone interrupts a one-on-one….sometimes you can’t help but get bits of the conversation. Depending on how well you know the person on the phone...and how long they stay on the phone in your presence…both serve to determine how uncomfortable/bored/annoyed/nonchalant you are during the hiatus. In addition, I have found the less I care one way or another about the person on the phone…the less I actually absorb of the conversation. Much like the friend who uses you to vent…and that is the sole subsistence of the relationship…my mind wanders to greener pastures during the phoning. I rarely answer the phone when I am with someone else, for no other reason than I want the person I am with to have my attention…even if it is for five minutes. I should also confess that I put off getting a cell phone until I absolutely, had no other choice. I much prefer not talking on the phone at all.

Musings

2006-09-03T18:27:00.000-07:00

As if to suggest that we had something in common by our preference for Arial Condensed. My font choice says nothing about who I am…really. I find that people go to great lengths to find common ground. Constructing dependable enclosures…corralling beliefs, political affiliations and personal interests. I enjoy watching people outgrow patterns. Not intimating all patterns should be lobbed topside. “The mind takes a certain attitude, and then the whole world comes under the shadow of this attitude.” Our perspective shapes our reality…no doubt about it. With so many realities bopping around it’s amazing folks agree on anything. I suppose on some levels we don’t. When it doesn’t click…folks widen their attempt at connection. Ever-growing and contracting cocentric rings. Some we invite closer to the inner circle…others we orbit…satellite acquaintances…until the relationship’s mutual utility is sucked into the stratosphere and disappears.

Back In Black

2006-09-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

Dusting off mah posting skills and firing up the still. A few phrases I have learned since moving to the deep south, "Hey Biggun'" - correct response - "Hey Biggun'" then commencing to bump inflated chests. Interesting primate behavior.

Another one is "D-a-mn...woe-man!" - correct response - "Don'choo call me woe-man!" mid-exhale so that smoke trails get in eyes. This causes momentary flow of tears/dramatic effect (if the drip continues you may have a blocked naso-lacrimal duct...or maybe you're jest wit de wrong guy).

"Git choo sum" This is either used as a command to enter the buffet line...or an invitation to partake in an "ass whupin". It all depends on the location, tone of delivery and ole-fashioned inference skillz. "Sheeeeeiiit" - correct response - "Yup." This communicates disbelief. This can take two forms: (a) a non-existent phenomenon is considered real (e.g. UFO's broadcast to the dogs in mah alley, who are spies for the Feds. Everytime one'a them pees he's signaling to the Mother ship); or (b) a real phenomenon is considered non-existent (e.g. She kept saying no but I knew she wanted it.) Navigating Georgian vernacular without offending, or drawing undo attention to yo'sef isn't as hard as it seemed 10 months ago.

Nevertheless, I really dig Georgia, it has charm.

going, going, gone.

2006-07-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

Goodbye bloggin world. It has been enjoyable:) Catch you in paperback.

ok...so it's a repost

2006-06-30T04:59:00.000-07:00

but I bet a lot of you guys haven't read it...

Character Sketch

He sat in the stifling heat and contemplated the zero turning radius, the dual transmission, and the ergonomic support. A riding mower that he didn't have, for use on the half-acre backyard that he didn't own, trying to finish the imagined chore without breaking a sweat.

He drifted that way before he picked up a rock star. Putting on the brakes for the rubberneckers, the press hounds and the train-wreck junkies. He turned off the siren. Red and blues did their thing. Your average make of natives with nothing better to do than eyeball a dead, dope fiend at nine-o'clock in the morning. Taking in the do-gooders…Charlie was convinced that the U. S. of A. was a mere decade away from televised goat fornication.

He hopped out and doubled up on the latex. “Mornin' Shim”, Charlie nodded. “Hey Charlie…dead rockstar, mid-thirties, name is Newy Stubbs. The 36th tagged him twice this month for prostitution…DUI. Waste of food if you ask me”. Charlie bent down and felt for a pulse. “About an hour fresh. A female jogger ran across him on her way to the green belt, by the time we got here he was DOA”. “Any known relatives?” “Nope. He's been in town for about four months hustling…getting loaded. Has a sheet from North Carolina for B&E and possession. Man Charlie, before that he could've been a college professor at Antioch for all we know”. “Thanks Shim I'll take him from here”. “Fine way to start a Friday.” “Friday's just like the rest of um Shim. Sunday's the good day”.

Sun was a diffused globe. The pecan trees backlit and sweating. Newy was cooling hard at county, and Shim was probably knee deep in Ventura trash d'jour. Charlie lit a square and exhaled loud. He could get used to weekends.

Trace a line from a particular event, or a happenstance meeting, to where and how it changed the direction of your life; and you may find an interesting schematic unfolding. It is where these patterns intersect that interest me.

Charlie plowed a trench through what I thought to be true about life. He branded the air around him with otherworldly strands of DNA. The kind that predetermine obesity, or congenital heart disease, or whether, or not, we'll surf porn on the Internet. Life was a concept to Charlie, like snow is to people who spend their days wandering the desert.

People think they remember.

That's one of the lies we tell ourselves when daydreaming about the way it really happened. Childhood recollections are a revisionist's ambition. Try abducting a childhood memory and replaying it through the mind of an adult, it's like projecting a home movie into a swimming pool. You are familiar with the scenes, but they're different, distorted. And depending on which way the winds blowing, you may not see anything recognizable at all.

I met Charlie on February 20, 1987. Frost on the inside panes of the briefing room, the warmth from my breath was floating above me, a pleasant distraction, unfurling in a way that made me think of an ex-girlfriend's hand rolled cigarette. Filled with anticipation and instant coffee, my stomach twisted. I was praying for a warm seat.

As I got up, Charlie swaggered into the briefing room a head taller than any other man this side of the midway. A hulking specimen, he clocked in just under seven feet, got up in a plaid work shirt, with faux mother-of-pearls, and pressed, true-blue denim. He went straight for the Skagg's donuts and the luke-warm coffee. I made a bead for the door. “The crapper on the left don't flush,” he said matter of fact. Foretelling that first exchange, me about to have an accident, and Charlie, calmly, laying it out, cool like. From the beginning Charlie was the instructor and I was the apprentice and we both knew it.

Some people think it's the stiffs, the cut-up jobs, or maybe the kids. Picking up meat doesn't shake me, but the families…they'll sneak up on you at 2 o'clock in the morning. Once they were tagged and bagged you had to procure a positive. I was never insensitive to the grieving, quite the opposite. But Charlie, he could turn it on evangelical style. The more gruesome the occasion, the more he comforted them. Reaching toward heaven, they fell to their knees and received a strange man in their arms. Time after time they leaned against the smell of cheap cologne and let go in Charlie's massive embrace. It was an agreeable balance. I was the straight man to Charlie's hallelujah. I dealt paperwork and tissues. He supervised the widows, sisters and daughters over seventeen.

Charlie sacked out on the porch. The night birds woke him around five am. Skin swarming with mosquitoes. He creaked as he shuffled toward bed. Stopping to turn on Coltrane, the moody brass took his mind away. He glanced around the room. His life didn't add up too much in the way of personal effects. Never knew when heading out might sound like a grand idea. Things felt like bondage. They invaded his thoughts, his only real possession.

Seven am came on hard. Charlie'd been squeezing beer out of his glands, head was throbbing, all he wanted was to find the cool side of his pillow. Laying prostrate, he got a whiff of himself. He imagined it would be worse for someone else. Someone who wasn't accustomed to the tell-tale, signs of a bender, someone who might pass judgment. He imagined what he could say to clear the air. His mind wandered in that direction as he fumbled through a whore's bath. Then, he was off to County. Heading toward a spoon-fed college kid, clicking the code, clicking disapproval, clicking his heels. He disliked the crimson brick hatcheries resplendent with their doric columns, cramming criminal justice and med-surge grads up his ass every time he took a look-see. Albeit not entirely their fault, he was a Mother hen, County's bitch.

What was this one's name? Phillip, Phil? It didn't matter. He had made that mistake early on, before he knew better. Taken the time to make the fish's day, enticing him with his world. An unwelcome pain swelled and danced across the dashboard materializing in the form of tiny stars. Charlie popped a few Benzo's.
The pharmacological agents went to work speedy across his scalp, causing his follicles to celebrate from his neck to his crack. Then everything slowed down to 48 frames per second and the real world was caught in the headlights. Through the fogged windshield he could read the stenciled nameplate on the parking garage wall, “Visitor”. He laughed out loud at the prospect. He knew that Raimey who worked the front-desk, graveyard shift did phone sex to augment the chicken-feed County was coughing up. He was on a first name basis with the weekend cleaning crews. But, he was the interloper, a necessary evil. Charlie was a textbook scapegoat and an unassuming victor. In particular, this rendered him especially useful to the department. He exited the vehicle smiling with the air of one who had his situation well in hand.

wet

2006-06-27T05:51:00.000-07:00

Rain triggers a nostalgic, if not romantic, quality that saturates. It isn’t based upon experience but rather something more fragile. If stated, it might evaporate into the woods...wondering if you ever felt its presence in the first place. The memory of unrevealed moments haunts the crevices of possibility. An internal melody recognized…one that was never meant for this world. One that only you…knew the words to.

lift

2006-06-22T20:17:00.000-07:00

Ground floor and I can't see much past the door. But, I can tell you liftlift.com and liftlift.tv have been secured. We wanted lift.com but we couldn't get it so now there's a reason to say it twice.

Lift is the name. It's a world where anything will happen. It's a daily video blog. Our first, Illegitimate love child. Bandwidth pirates...stay tuned.

"Due to a disfiguring accident, my top lip doesn't move a great deal when I talk, so that should be fun to watch." sez co-founder and contributing artist, maigh.

"Can I please do the segment on midgets?" sez ereek.

I say, "TV is furniture...let's do something real."

ADD and OCD at it's finest. Where neurosis has a name. We call it Lift. Zippety-doo-dah!

Here is the first brainstorm on segments.
This will evolve...it is simply a start. We intentionally didn't describe each segment so you could fill in the blank.

SEGMENTS
Citizens Arrest

Body Farm

Right Winged bird – pundit commentary – Puppets

Sock Puppet Theater

People you’d think would be a**holes but aren’t

The little box in yo helmet that sez good idea...bad idea

Have you ever seen a midget in a...

Evolution of...

Letters to Mother Nature

But if you ask Beth…I’m not funny.

Freaky Styley

Relationships

Life On Eno’s Eyelash

Why would people buy this?

I’m better than you (Man-On-The-Street Interviews)

Sicko (Health)

Bathroom Walls

I’m sorry

Stuff that doesn’t suck

Jesus sez

Let us know your thoughts (mary...you have a special place...let's talk!!!!!)

move the birthmark I can't see

2006-06-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

Reading a Peter, Flopsy and Mopsy tale about why said Easter Rat did’no show up for the festivities…E turns to me and asks? Do tooth fairies watch you all the time?

No, they don’t like to watch.
Are they in storyland?
Yeah, they dig Storyland.
So, they’re not real? They’re pretend like the movies?
Yeah babe, they are pretend…but they are real if you believe in them.
Oh. Deddy?
Yes, sweet?
Is the Easter bunny and Santa pretending too?

(She’s four, so I immediately saw the error in my earlier honesty):
The Easter bunny and Santa are real.
You know what would be funny?
What’s that?
If you got fatter and were Santa. (big grin)
Prophetic this young one.

Let me find my birthmark (bookmark) and we can read s’more.

There is one book I hate to read…it’s a Dragon Tales book featuring the “Want More” twins. After mustering up the strength for another pass, I ask E:

What is it about this book that you enjoy?
The cookie.
Which cookie?
When they eat the cookie.
You mean on page one when they eat the cookie in their room?
Yea (very happy).
So, we read 18 pages of this dragon tale so you can hear the cookie part.
Uh-huh.
On page one.
Yep.
That makes sense.
Can we read now.
Certainly.

Yup

2006-06-20T06:47:00.000-07:00

I hereby declare, this blog is officially a new channel. Yup, I’m selling out. Over the next three months you will experience a migration to a real blogspot, the addition of video blogging, and real (bite the coin) content. Everything from music to video content from around the world…to an identity. The name will be changing to “LIFT”…and I will be taking suggestions for anything and everything you would like to see. If it’s possible (and it doesn't suck)…it will be tried. Thank you for your patronage and your kind words. These next few months will be an interesting culmination of disciplines, media and sick, talented people who are climbing on board.

That is all.

correction and new news

2006-06-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

I failed to mention I am working on a new project. This project is a collaboration with a friend and cohort in crime. You can check out her blog to the right . The dialogue (from the last post) was a joint venture along with all of the other pages that should culminate in a film shot next October. Script is being sweated over...characters are taking hold...and we have at least one namey-namey that is ready to jump. So what? You're right. Until it's put together it doesn't mean squat. This much I know to be true.

sweet can rot a tooth

2006-06-16T07:32:00.000-07:00

Dialogue:

If I receive what you give...but I can’t articulate it…or create something else out of it…then it stops here (banging on her chest). I want the capacity to turn it into something useful. I want to be useful.

What would you turn it into?

Maybe a tree. No. Trees get peed on and chewed on and chopped down and turned into the paper that trashy romance novels are printed on.

I want to be a plane and carry loved ones into each others arms. I want to be a light that shines into dark places and illuminates your dreams. I want to make webs glisten after it rains. I want to know…at least once…that I give you something that you don’t already have.

(He smiles and looks like he might laugh)

Don’t laugh.

I’m not laughing. It’s sweet.

a little bird told me

2006-06-16T07:23:00.000-07:00

Overheard Random Conversation #31

When I was in 7th grade me and Craig across the street crammed m-80’s into this amphibian’s mouth and lit the fuses. Right before they went off his Dad walked outside and it explodes. There’s frog bits all over him and he was yelling in Charlie Brown teacher talk and I just kept staring at this one leg that was lying on the sidewalk. My ears were ringing and I felt sick. I couldn’t take my eyes off of that leg. That’s when I realized I probably wasn’t a hunter. How was I supposed to take down Bambi’s Mom when I couldn’t do in a frog. That was enough to label me as a fag in Texas. Try and find a red-blooded, all American, high school kid in the Lone Star State that doesn’t go deer hunting? Or play football? Or drive a camaro or a truck?

Overheard Random Conversation #32
When you connect with people it makes you feel alive. It’s like being in NY, you’re on the 20th floor. You see all of the yellow dots down below and you know in each one of those cabs their are a zillion different stories and zillion different lives and you don’t know any of them…all you end up with is just being pissed off because someone stole your cab. Don't you like the word zillion

sap, sap and more sap

2006-06-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

What we do for convenience.
What we mend out of grey.
What we will into this world.
What paths light our way.

What covenants we craft
What roots we set light.
What minds we explore.
What promise quells night.

What tastes sate our longing.
What ways we adore.
What smiles we inspire.
What life has in store.

yea well

2006-06-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Been a long time since my heart skipped a beat. Lack of oxygen to the brain…that much closer to dying. Starts out as a dizzy moment and manifests itself as a dull roar. I don’t know if it’s the reflection of self in the eyes of another. I don’t know if it’s the demands to be a better person. I don’t know if it’s the possibilities…standing on a rasping wooden dock as fireflies create comets…closer than embrace. Things shift…faultlines are visible. Points in seclusion…as close as they ever will be…as close as they ever were. Viewing through an 800mm lens just made you look closer than you really were. Smoke and mirrors. Magic, all the same.

slave to the schpiel

2006-06-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder why the slaves didn’t all get together and poison their owners? National Cracker Crumbles Day…or Dark Day for Whitey…or…Plant a Field With Whitey Day. Just sayin…If I were a slave owning, white man in the 1800’s. I sure wouldn’t have someone I owned, someone I had beaten, someone I separated from their family…and someone…who by all rights should hate me…cook my dinner. What were they thinking?

Wonder how many slaves tea-bagged the biscuit dough? Or, hocked a viscous lump into the stew? I wonder how many secretly, subversive ways slaves were able to get back at their Massas?

Seriously Massa Dubois…I jess can’t keep lil’ Alexandria from eating her poop-diddly-oopy. (snicker) I tried everything but she sho do love the taste o’ her own bottom.

I dinno…coulda happened.

in this moment

2006-06-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

Maybe time isn’t linear…maybe it stacks like Lincoln Logs. For time, memory is our only measuring stick. Our memories of events are weaved together with respect to a present moment. Think back when you were a young'un. When your were five it seemed like it took forever to get to your next birthday. That's because your understanding of a year was based upon your being conscious of probably three years of memory. Your entire life span. Birthdays fly by these days. Perceived lengths of time are relative to age, experiences and memory. But, if we lost our memory…then time would cease to exist. No measuring stick. We would be eternally now…at least until we left this shell behind. I like the idea of eternally now for each moment we live on terra firma. I like that a lot. I say that with the luxury of my memory intact.

Moving beyond mediocrity.

2006-06-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

Shaking the bones of older stories over mah laptop. The step n’ fetch it shuffle, the well worn routine of finding something interesting in the moment. (enough about the lack of commas). Suckin on the cannibalized bits like a Cajun down to his last crustacean. Although, not a fan of these critters, they do make an effective bait. Fishing for something in the line of economy-sized fluff, or as Dorothy Parker would have said, “doodads”. I fell in love with Dorothy Parker in high school. I imagined that I would bop over to NY and she would be so impressed with my youthful brand of cynicism that we would write together, or at the very least snuggle or make-out. I had no prejudices regarding age…or propriety. Then I found out she died in 1967, two years before I was hatched. This altered, but didn’t entirely squash mah fantasy. Not being into necromancy or anything else that begins with “necro”, I decided that I would visit her grave site and meditate on what we had lost. Two ships, passing in the night, as it were. One of mah favorite off the cuffs went a little something like this:

In a word game, Dorothy was challenged to use "horticulture" in a sentence. Her reply: "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."

My heart still aches.

write your own captions...

2006-06-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

on herbs and polaroids

2006-06-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

Thyme dries when your having pun. Know what I’m slaying?

Thought for the day:
In the pictures we take during the day and save to review in the space between the time our heads hit the pillow...and we slip into sleep...what you choose to take away from the day, depends entirely, upon where you crop the frame. Shoot from a different perspective if you don’t like your vantage point. That's the beauty of being mobile.

wished away

2006-06-07T20:04:00.000-07:00

I wish plants could talk…or better yet sing…certainly would make my backyard a more interesting place…unless of course they kept singing show tunes. Then you’d have to chop ‘em all down…and that would be a real shame…from a carbon dioxide perspective.

I wish the word butterfly didn’t sound like a good sandwich to me.

I wish white noise had a little more imagination and a little more range.

I wish timing had everything to do with good intentions and not everything to do with…uh…timing.

I wish bamboo was made out of the same stuff that posable figurines were made out of.

I wish I could turn on the rain to take a shower.

I wish I had something of more substance to write about.

zippety-doo-dah

2006-06-07T19:34:00.000-07:00

I fell in love with a right winged bird. She flew in circles…and of course…she was always right. Although she rarely made it off the ground…I found inspiration in elusive flight. Turns out I had the avian flu. But thank you for showing me how to meet the dawn…thank you for adorning my plumage with your brand of attention. sadly, I think I am more of a fish…but I enjoyed my first attempt at soaring above it all. When I see a feather on the ground it commands my attention…I know it belongs on the wing. Seems a shame to have dirt all over something so beautiful. So I pick it up...mend a new nest…one far away from the ground…and so much closer to heaven.

(yeah...ok...cornball...so sue me)

bitter betty

2006-06-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

Stuff people say but don’t really mean...

“If you see anything you like holler.” Ever just scream when you find it…that thing you like?

“Come by anytime.” Like when you and your wife have the kids at your parents and for the first time in three years have the house to yourselves? Standing on the porch in my swim trunks with a towel around my neck…like now?

“Keep in touch.” Like when my cat dies and I stay up all night crying and gathering tufts of her fur to outline where her arthritic frame hit the linoleum? Like when I can’t get the words out and snot and cat hair are stuck to mah upper lip as Mr. Bojangles snuggles next to Gordon’s Fish Sticks and they can’t fit him into the pet crematorium schedule because Tuesday is greyhound day? Like then?

“You mean so much to me.” It’s three in the morning and I forgot my drivers license in my pant pocket but I went to the store for a Klondike Bar anyway dressed in mah SpongeBob jammies and mah house flippers and I forgot that I wrote that hot check for toothpaste four years ago and the cops pull you over for driving with the top down in 30 degree weather because they think you must be high and you tell ‘em you have a good heater…but they don’t believe you and they take you to jail anyway. Would you come bail me out?

“Meeting you has changed my life.” Like before you met me you were kind and considerate and thoughtful and full of joie de vivre but now petulance is the high point of conversation?

“You’re a good friend.” Like when all you do is talk about yourself and your problems and your relationships and your thoughts and your dreams and you figure out how I can help you fix things around the house and then you like to get my opinion on everything you share because you feel so close to me?

Hell Yes!

2006-06-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

To commemorate today (06.06.06)...I am selling speculative lots in hell for the low, low price of six dollars and sixty-six cents per square foot. Since my last post might get me a front row seat (as one offended bloggernaut claimed) I figure I'd like to own a little piece of hell mahsef. Since misery loves company, thought I'd sell some parcels to the willing and the able. You can have a star named after you, you can by lots on the moon, so what the hell? I am also selling Kanookanook, seal-fur lined parkas just in case it freezes. BTW, offended bloggernaut, please walk on the lighter side. So you don't appreciate mah funnin'. So I don't get your squeaky, tight sphincter...so what. Let's agree to disagree and have a helluva great day.

Your friend, Satan (evil grin)

Mark of the Beast

2006-06-05T08:25:00.000-07:00

Be the lark of the feast brandishing the mark of the beast!

Think of the fun you can have on youth group outings. Simply take along your, self-inking, rubber "mark of the beast". Stamp your buddies while they sleep and then grab the closest trumpet to announce the coming of the apocalypse.

I see a musical number coming on from my esteemed, comedic, pal who co-created and "starred in", "The Other Side of the Glass" (won the audience award for her group on the 48 hour films competetion). her link is maryk to the right.

Move to the front of the gas line with your very own:

click link below to order stamp (note - I am not endorsing the flick...I know nothing about it...but the stamp is beautiful)

(Note - I yanked the link because I didn't want to drive traffic to the site...not because I didn't love the 666 stamp...but because the movie is sensationalist. I'll watch just about anything that's put together well...but...imho...this one isn't)

John Denver tried to fly away

2006-06-05T04:56:00.000-07:00

The caged bird sings because it does not have any tough decisions to make other than sleep? Eat? Relieve mahsef? Quite the opposite with caged, smack down participants. Ah, the complexities of the cage. Learned Annie's Song on the recorder in 6th grade. What could be worse than 30 kids belting out Denver tunes? Hiatus over!

Quayle lays a few for posteriety

2006-05-31T06:28:00.000-07:00

A buddy of mine posted What ever happened to Dan Quayle? Since I did not have an answer...I thought second best would be to dig up some of his nuggets of conventional and political wisdom. Enjoy.

• Bobby Knight told me this: 'There is nothing that a good defence cannot beat a better offence.' In other words a good offence wins.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle comparing the offensive capabilities of the Warsaw Pact with the defensive system of NATO

• Why wouldn't an enhanced deterrent, a more stable peace, a better prospect to denying the ones who enter conflict in the first place to have a reduction of offensive systems and an introduction to defensive capability. I believe that is the route this country will eventually go.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• Mars is essentially in the same orbit... somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is IN the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, Hawaii, September 1989

• What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle winning friends while speaking to the United Negro College Fund

• You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you will always be.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the American Samoans, whose capital Quayle pronounces "Pogo Pogo"

• Quayle stumbled in response to a question about his opinion of the Holocaust. He said it was "an obscene period in our nation's history." Then, trying to clarify his remark, Quayle said he meant "this century's history" and added a confusing comment. "We all lived in this century, I didn't live in this century," he said.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination of human rights.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many voices to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a single voice.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican Forum, March 1990

• It's rural America. It's where I came from. We always refer to ourselves as real America. Rural America, real America, real, real, America.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• Target prices? How that works? I know quite a bit about farm policy. I come from Indiana, which is a farm state. Deficiency payments - which are the key - that is what gets money into the farmer's hands. We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked very closely with my senior colleague, (Indiana Sen.) Richard Lugar, making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked to define the term "target prices." Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press conference, after two minutes and 30 seconds.

• I not going to focus on what I have done in the past what I stand for, what I articulate to the American people. The American people will judge me on what I am saying and what I have done in the last 12 years in the Congress.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in 'Red Storm Rising'.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• The US has a vital interest in that area of the country.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle Referring to Latin America.

• Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP, two countries. That's a statement in and of itself.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• Who would have predicted... that Dubcek, who brought the tanks in in Czechoslovakia in 1968 is now being proclaimed a hero in Czechoslovakia. Unbelievable.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle Actually, Dubcek was the leader of the Prague Spring.

• May our nation continue to be the beacon of hope to the world.
-- The Quayle's 1989 Christmas card. [Not a beacon of literacy, though.]

• Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to the collapsed section of the 880 freeway after the San Francisco earthquake of 1989. [this may be a joke; the source is unclear. but it's still funny]

• getting [cruise missiles] more accurate so that we can have precise precision.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to his legislative work dealing with cruise missiles

• I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that have had a difficult time.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing workers at an Ohio steel plant,1988

• [I will never have] another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy, Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle during the Benson debate

• Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of situations and I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does that answer your question?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked what he would do if he assumed the Presidency,1988

• Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There's not going to be any more handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to press reports of his aides having to, in effect, "potty train" him.

• I would guess that there's adequate low-income housing in this country.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• The real question for 1988 is whether we're going to go forward to tomorrow or past to the -- to the back!
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity, family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

• We'll let the sunshine in and shine on us, because today we're happy and tomorrow we'll be even happier.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

• We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States!
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

• Don't forget about the importance of the family. It begins with the family. We're not going to redefine the family. Everybody knows the definition of the family. [Meaningful pause] A child. [Meaningful pause] A mother. [Meaningful pause] A father. There are other arrangements of the family, but that is a family and family values.

I've been very blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful family, and I am proud of my family. Anybody turns to their family. I have a very good family. I'm very fortunate to have a very good family. I believe very strongly in the family. It's one of the things we have in our platform, is to talk about it.

I suppose three important things certainly come to my mind that we want to say thank you. The first would be our family. Your family, my family -- which is composed of an immediate family of a wife and three children, a larger family with grandparents and aunts and uncles. We all have our family, whichever that may be ... The very beginnings of civilization, the very beginnings of this country, goes back to the family. And time and time again, I'm often reminded, especially in this Presidential campaign, of the importance of a family, and what a family means to this country. And so when you pay thanks I suppose the first thing that would come to mind would be to thank the Lord for the family.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I have made good judgements in the Past.
I have made good judgements in the Future.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• The future will be better tomorrow.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I have a very strong record on the Environment in the United States Senate.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I was known as the chief grave robber of my state.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• ...Buzz Lukens took that fateful step...
-- Vice President Dan Quayle confusing the sexual assaulter/congressman with Astronaut Buzz Aldrin.

• Okay, I won't open it until then
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after having been presented with an empty box that was to contain a gift from a sailing team in South America. He was told that the gift was not ready yet, but that it would be presented to him when they arrived in the United States.

• During the White House Easter Egg Roll of 1991, Quayle signed autographs using only his finger. He had prepared pre-signed cards which his aides handed out while he made signing gestures. This allowed him to move briskly and efficiently through the crowd, said his spokesman.

• Dan Quayle, in April 1991, was concerned that his advisors may be getting out of touch with "Real Americans." In order to combat this, he suggested that they read People magazine.

• People that are really very wierd can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I'm going to be a vice president very much like George Bush was. He proved to be a very effective vice president, perhaps the most effective we've had in a couple of hundred years.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I would like to express my sympathy to all those impacted by this disaster.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle standing in front of the collapsed section of highway caused by the Loma Preta quake. (CNN)

• The loss of life will be irreplaceable.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after the San Francisco earthquake

• I couldn't help but be impressed by the magnitude of the earthquake.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, stepping out of the helicopter upon arrival at Alameda Naval Air Station.

• Let me tell you something. As we were walking around in the store, Marilyn and I were just really impressed by all the novelties and the different types of little things that you could get for Christmas. And all the people that would help you, they were dressed up in things that said 'I believe in Santa Claus.' And the only thing that I could think is that I believe in George Bush.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle at a garden center and produce store in Baltimore (from the Los Angeles Times, Douglas Jehl, November 6, 1988)

• It's a very valuable function and requirement that you're performing, so have a great day and keep a stiff upper lip.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle remarks to oil spill clean-up workers at Prince William Sound, May, 1989

• The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him when I arrive.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle remarks to oil spill clean-up workers at Prince William Sound, May, 1989

• It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I would not have married Dan Quayle had I not thought he was an equal to me.
-- Marilyn Quayle

• I could take this home, Marilyn. This is something teenage boys might find of interest.
--Vice President Dan Quayle, when purchasing a South African Indian Doll that, when lifted, displays an erection.

• When you make as many speeches and you talk as much as I do and you get away from the text, it's always a possibility to get a few words tangled here and there
-- Vice President Dan Quayle defending himself (LA Herald Examiner 10/3/88)

• Public Speaking is very easy.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88

• I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I happen to be a Republican president- ah, the vice president.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (Newsweek 4/9/90)

• I've never professed to be anything but an average student.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle during the VP debate in Omaha, Nebraska (10/88)

• The other day [the President] said, I know you've had some rough times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility. (He paused, then said) Would you like a puppy?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (LA Times 5/21/89)

• In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get- The Future!
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in eastern Illinois (LA Times 10/19/88)

• I've been told to keep my remarks relatively brief. I understand Quayle-hunting season begins at noon.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle to a crowd in Eau Claire, Wisc. (LA Times 10/16/88)

• The destruction, it is just very heart-rendering.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle attempting to say the SF earthquake wreckage was heart-rending (Newsweek 10/30/89)

• I spend a great deal of time with the President. We have a very close, personal,loyal relationship. I'm not, as they say, a potted plant in these meetings.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle defending himself (Tampa Tribune-Times 1/7/90)

• When I talked to him on the phone yetserday. I called him George rather than Mr. Vice President. But, in public, it's Mr. Vice President, because that is who he is.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle shortly after being named Geo. Bush's running mate (8/28/88 the NY Times).

• I'm glad you asked me that. This gives me the perfect opportunity to talk about the problems with this Congress...
-- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to reporter's questions about his use of Air force 2 to go on golf trips at the cost of $26,000/hour

• I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, in a speech to the Christian Coalition

• Maybe you guys will get lucky this year and face the Orioles in the World Series
-- Vice President Dan Quayle encouraging the Milwaukee Brewers after throwing out the opening pitch of the season. (5/3/92 Sunday Detroit News)

• Are they taking DDT?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle asking doctors at a Manhattan AIDS clinic about their treatments of choice, referring to the drug AZT. (NY Post, early May 92)

• We are leaders of the world of the space program. We have been the leaders of the world of our... of the space program and we're not going to continue where we're going to go, not withstanding the Soviet Union's demise and collapse - the former Soviet Union - we now have independent republics which used to be called the Soviet Union. Space is the next frontier to be explored. And we're going to explore. Think of all the things we rely upon in space today: communications from... Japan, detection of potential ballistic missle attacks. Ballistic missles are still here. Other nations do have ballistic missles. How do you think we were able to detect some of the Scud missles and things like that? Space, reconnaissance, weather, communications - you name it. We use space a lot today.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• America is great, because America is free.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren't. I don't know if its the way you say it, or how you look.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I just don't believe in the basic concept that someone should make their whole career in public service.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• If you listen to the news, read the news, you'd think we were still in a recession. Well, we're not in a recession. We've had growth; people need to know that. They need to be more upbeat, more positive...
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in October 91

• Need any help?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in October 91 addressing announced 74,000 layoffs

• The message of David Duke, is this, basically: Big government, anti-big government, get out of my pocketbook, cut my taxes, put welfare people back to work. That's a very popular message. The problem is the messenger.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I do have a political agenda. It's to have as few regulations as possible.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• Sam, had a great time this weekend but the golf was lousey.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in a handwritten note written to Sam Snead in the summer of 1991, after they had played a round of golf. (Herald-Times, Bloomington, IN, July 15, 1992)

• Who's responsible for the riots? The rioters!
-- Vice President Dan Quayle giving an intelligent, in-depth analysis of the LA riots. (Herb Caen, SF Chronicle)

• It's immoral to parent irresponsibly... And it doesn't help matters any when prime time tv, like "Murphy Brown", a character who is supposed to represent a successful career woman of today, mocks the importance of the father by bearing a child alone, and calling it just another "lifestyle choice." Marriage is probably the best anti-poverty program there is... Even though our cultural leaders in Hollywood, network TV, the national newspapers routinely jeer at [such values] I think most of us in this room know that some things are good, and other things are wrong.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the Commonwealth Club of San Francisco and criticizing Murphy Brown's decision to NOT have an abortion and to be a single (highly successful) mother. When told about Quayle's comments, a senior Bush campaign official replied only "Oh, dear." Bush's top aid said, "The world is a lot more complex than Dan would like to believe"

• I think especially in her position, a highly successful professional woman, it would be a real exception to have an unwed child.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle to The Chron's Jerry Roberts.

• I don't watch it, but I know enough to comment on it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle defending his opinions about the TV show "Murphy Brown" [Las Vegas RJ 21 May 92]

• The intergenerational poverty that troubles us so much today is predominantly a poverty of values.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• Speaking as a man, it's not a woman's issue. Us men are tired of losing our women
-- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about breast cancer

• I want to show you an optimistic sign that things are beginning to turn around.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle trying to convince reporters that the economy was doing better because a Burger King had a "now hiring" sign in the window. He was campaigning for reelection in Ontario, CA in January 1992.

• You have a part-time job and that's better to no job at all
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after the manager of the Burger King had said that the jobs offered were part-time minimum wage jobs, which didn't pay enough to live on, and that "It's hard to find people who want to actually show up for the job."

• Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a cure for AIDS in the marketplace before Magic Johnson gets AIDS?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/13/91 (CNN)

• We're in Florida.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle explaining why he had just purchased four peaches (and no citrus fruits -- for which Florida is famous) at a Publix supermarket in Oakland Park, Florida. Georgia (which IS famous for peaches) did not gain from the transaction, however; the peaches were from Chile. (The Sunstenial)

• I deserve respect for the things I did not do.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• I feel that this [1981] is my first year, that next year is an election year, that the third year is the mid point and that the fourth year is the last chance I'll have to make a record since the last two years, I'll be a candidate again. Everything I do in those last two years will be posturing for the election. But right now I don't have to do that.
-- Senator Dan Quayle

• I don't have to experience tragedy to understand it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle during a photo-op in LA, responding to criticisms that he didn't understand what it meant to live in the "inner city." (WRAL 6/23/92)

• My position is that I understand from a medical situation, immediately after a rape is reported, that a woman normally, in fact, can go to the hospital and have a D and C. At that time... that is before the forming of a life. That is not anything to do with abortion
-- Vice President Dan Quayle explaining that Dilatation and Curettage, a form of abortion which occurs after fertilization, is not really abortion. (the Washington post, 11/03/88)

• Add one little bit on the end... Think of 'potato,' how's it spelled? You're right phonetically, but what else...? There ya go...alright!
-- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a student's correct spelling of the word "potatoe" during a spelling bee at an elementary school in Trenton.

• I should have caught the mistake on that spelling bee card. But as Mark Twain once said, "You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word."
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, actually quoting from President Andrew Jackson.

• People who bowl, vote. Bowlers are not the cultural elite.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle while at a Las Vegas bowling alley. the Vice-President bowled 5 times, and knocked down 19 pins. (6/25/92, San Jose Mercury News) The American Bowling Congress projected his score for a full game to be 76. The Detroit average for amateur players is 163 (USA Today, 7/6/92)

• It would be a serious mistake to replace a seasoned statesman with a tempermental tycoon who has no respect for the constitution.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle giving his opinion about Ross Perot's presidential campaign (June 1992)

• Dan Quayle had a trip planned to Beijing, but was worried because of the turmoil at that end. His security adviser however informed him that it was pretty safe for D.Q. as, "They are only harassing intellectuals."

• And the President put his hand on my shoulder and said: "Dan, I _knew_ Spiro Agnew. He was a friend of mine. And Dan... You're no Spiro Agnew!"
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• This president is going to lead us out of this recovery.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle at a campaign stop in California and and then at CA State University, Fresno (The Quayle Quarterly, Spring/Summer 1992)

• We have to do more than just elect a new president if we truly want to change this country."
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

• We are ready for any unforseen event that may or may not occur
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, September 1990

• For NASA, space is still a high priority.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, September 1990

• [The U.S. victory in Gulf war was a] stirring victory for the forces of aggression.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, April 1991

• I hope I never have to deal with it. But obviously I would counsel her and talk to her and support her on whatever decision she made.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle respondiing to Larry King's question of how he would react if his 13-year-old daughter chose to have an abortion. (CNN, July 22, 1992) Marilyn Quayle later remarked that her daughter would "take the child to term."

• "The best thing about rain forests is they never suffer from drought."

• "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

• "Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement.' Not so. No one was fooled."

• "People are not homeless if they're sleeping in the streets of their own hometowns."

• "Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor. It's the other way around. They never vote for us."

• "Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough money to cover losses due to mismanagement."

• "The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Near East and the Far East from encroaching on each other."

my top 20 bands/artists

2006-05-30T05:38:00.000-07:00

amon tobin
aesop rock
ambulance ltd
willie nelson
death cab for cutie
the beatles
pink floyd
jamie lidell
john mayer trio
jump, little children
massive attack
nick drake
dj shadow
radiohead
spoon
stevie ray vaughan
arcade fire
the stills
coltrane
the velvet teen

mammogram

2006-05-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

Mmmhhhhh. That’s the sound of an empathetic confirmation/acknowledgement. Often used by older women…rarely used by men. Don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone under thirty tossing around the monosyllabic. It’s the lazy version of “bless your heart”…or the manifestation of deep concern. It is gold mine of connotations and inferences…and I just used it. Thankful I was alone…I peeked out of the edit bay to see if, by chance, a passerby might have overheard. If I begin to use phrases like, “the kids today…” somebody shoot me. It took me by surprise. A sudden cloudburst on a sun drenched afternoon. A hint of a change in the big sky. Concern for a dear friend…who is like a sister to me. Realizing my love for her is not only based upon her True nature, but also on the belief, that she will always be. I count on that friendship. Just a reminder to not take your friends for granted today. Give them a call…shoot them an email…and tell them you love them…because you can.

upon a...

2006-05-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

I once fell in love with a girl who had no inner ear canal. Her perilymphatic chamber was enough to throw me off balance, you hear me? ::::::Deafening silence:::::: She communicated without speaking. Maybe something was wrong with my eyes...but my heart was working just fine I tell ya.

middle-of-the-road crossing - proceed with caution

2006-05-24T05:09:00.000-07:00

I was looking through a bargain book bin and found, The Ultimate Guide To Inoffensive Language. I suppose it’s impossible to shake what some folks are going to think about you based upon who they think you sound like. Here’s a question. If we spend enough energy crafting euphemistic, side speak…what are we actually taking energy away from? Sure, it may be seconds…in extreme cases minutes. Wonder how many days over the span of one’s life is devoted to preparing phraseology. I’m thinking if I don’t filter anything, if I don’t ever wash my vehicle, if I don’t ever say thank you, don’t ever listen to that voice message one more time, if I never stand in lines to urinate, don’t second guess, and I don’t watch tv. I might just live an extra few weeks. Enough to maybe see a political speech that wasn’t divisive, or maybe visit the new Crystal Waters theme park courtesy of a pure, polar ice melt, or maybe I'll get to see hell freezing over. I dunno…maybe.

amputate something

2006-05-23T08:35:00.000-07:00

Why is it that whenever someone gets their hairs cut, you’re supposed to not only notice, but compliment? Hair regenerates...that's so easy. Cut something off that doesn’t grow back and you have my attention.

Dude...rockin the disarticulation.
Thanks man…been thinking about peg-legging it for awhile.
Good for you, man…been considering a metacarpal number mahsef’.
That’s so hot.
Yeah…my girlfriend got a hemipelvectomy and since then I’ve been pretty obsessed with shedding some dead weight.
Did yours hurt?
Please.
I'm so gonna do it.
Don't talk about it...just do it.

Nothing to fear but fearing the fear of the fearful

2006-05-22T07:05:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder if this here crackdown on taco benders is actually "the" new front, on “the war on terror”.
Me thinketh they’re after “El Qaida” at current.

oneword: fragrance

2006-05-19T07:09:00.000-07:00

The spirit of deception and truth.

go ahead...quote me

2006-05-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine once said that blogging is the most self-indulgent act. I see your self-indulgence and I raise you:)

Use them in good health.

Understanding is the recklessness of insignificance.

Containment is the aim of the self-important.

Expectations kill the joy of the moment and are premeditated resentments.

Love is a place where possibility thrives, injuries are healed and forgiveness doesn’t depend upon being understood.

Most folks would rather sleep in an ornamental box than live for the benefit of their neighbor.

Brevity is the soul of romantic designs.

Reinvention is the act of pretending past is the present.

Yelling lacks imagination.

random tandem

2006-05-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

I’m collecting America Online CD’s. You know the ones that show up in your mailbox to the, ever personal, “resident”. At some point I will melt them all down into the likeness of an enormous Hersey’s Kiss. Then I’m going to fill it with Scout’s excrement and send it (C.O.D.) to the VP of Marketing @ aol. Juss a lil sumthin’…sumthin’.

I’ve got several small fortunes. I know that “bouncing ball is the source of all goodness and light.” Another fortune reads, “you’re eyes will soon be sparking keep them open.” I have another that reads, “someone can read your mind”. So...what am I thinking?

friend

2006-05-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Gibran - 1923

culture of consumption

2006-05-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

For most, happiness seems connected with consumption. The way we eat, the way we consume entertainment, the types of entertainment we consume, how we choose to spend our leisure. I have been examining what brings health, peace and love into moments. This has everything to do with consumption patterns.

“The consumer revolution of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries was caused in large part by a crisis in production; new technologies had resulted in production of more goods, but there were not enough people to buy them. Since production is such an essential part of the culture of capitalism, society quickly adapted to the crisis by convincing people to buy things, by altering basic institutions and even generating a new ideology of pleasure. The economic crisis of the late nineteenth century was solved, but at considerable expense to the environment in the additional waste that was created and resources that were consumed.

The barriers to a consumer society were therefore numerous and effective. To overcome them required changes in attitude and thought, changes in prosperity and standards of living, changes in commercial technique and promotional skills, sometimes changes even in the law itself. Above all it required the commercialization of society.

The goal of the advertisers was to aggressively shape consumer desires and create value in commodities by imbuing them with the power to transform the consumer into a more desirable person. ... In 1880, only $30 million was invested in advertising in the United States; by 1910, new businesses, such as oil, food, electricity and rubber, were spending $600 million, or 4 percent of the national income, on advertising. Today that figure has climbed to well over $120 billion in the United States and to over $250 billion worldwide.

The idea of fashion would help in the “stirring up of anxieties and restlessness over the possession of things that were not ‘new’ or ‘up-to-date’. Fashion pressured people to buy not out of need but for style — from a desire to conform to what others defined as ‘fashionable.’”

Creation of, as well as improvement of service also helped. Customers were to be treated like guests. The adage of “the customer is always right” rings true here.

A transformation of the major institutions of American society, each redefining its function to include the promotion of consumption.

Robbins notes that, “Educational and cultural institutions, governmental agencies, financial institutions, and even the family itself changed their meaning and function to promote the consumption of commodities.”

Education for example would be expanded from production/manufacturing knowledge to include things like accounting, marketing, sales, etc. Business schools popped up in many places.

The setting up of the U.S. Commerce Department in 1921, under Herbert Hoover, as a clear example of the increasing role of the federal government in the promotion of consumption.”

Workers had to be given buying power in order to be able to create a consumer economy. This was accomplished via things like, higher wages and expanding consumer credit. An effect of this credit was to increase consumer debt, while creating mass markets for consumer goods that stimulated economic growth.

There had to be a “change in spiritual and intellectual values from an emphasis on such values as thrift, modesty, and moderation, toward a value system that encouraged spending and ostentatious display.” This was seen especially from 1880 to 1930.

Enter religious movements, which became known as “mind cure religions”, became (quoting research from William Leach) “wish-oriented, optimistic, sunny, the epitome of cheer and self-confidence, and completely lacking in anything resembling a tragic view of life.”

These movements held that salvation would occur in this life and not in the afterlife. Mind cure dismissed the ideas of sin and guilt. God became a divine force, a healing power. Proponents argued that Americans should banish ideas of duty and self-denial. ... These new religions made fashionable the idea that in the world of goods men and women could find paradise free from pain and suffering; they could find, as one historian of religion put it, the “good” through “goods.”

Assumptions:

• Consumption now helps to define and answer who we are

• Social definition revolves around consumption (which is heavily commercialized)

• That we essentially “buy” a lifestyle

• Brands help turn perceptions into reality, thus encouraging purchases based on fashion and peer/social pressures to fit in.

• Consumerism increases personal stress

• To deal with social and consumerism pressures and their effects, people may on occasion resort to what psychologist term as “compensatory consumption” — that is, consuming even more to feel better (similar to how one might feel tempted to take alcohol to relieve stress). This is ironic because this additional consumption often stems from the culture of consumerism itself.

• Rising consumer debt puts pressure on families

• Malls are carefully designed to create appropriate moods to indirectly encourage buying (this is a similar parallel to how department stores evolved, as described above, except that from a department store, it now includes entire malls.)

Quotes were taken from, Richard Robbins, Global Problems and the Culture of Capitalism, (Allyn and Bacon, 1999)

hydroponic

2006-05-16T05:33:00.000-07:00

I recently read a book called, The Omnivore’s Dilemna, by Michael Pollan. It forced a brand of responsible protocols when determining which foods to buy at the grocery. Besides being chocked full of interesting information, it got me thinking again about hydro-farming…not on a commercial scale, but for my personal consumption. Here’s what I need to produce per month to control a good portion of my households sustenance:

10 pounds of broccoli
5 pounds of bell peppers (mixed)
3 pounds of onions
1 pound of Basil
1 pound of Thyme
½ pound of rosemary
5 pounds of garlic
20 pounds of potatoes
10 pounds of yellow squash
10 pounds of zucchini
20 pounds of carrots
20 pounds of tomoatoes (mixed)
4 heads of lettuce
2 pounds of greens
4 pounds of spinach
10 pounds of cauliflower
10 pounds of celery
15 pounds of cucumber
15 pounds of green beans
2 pounds of leaks
5 pounds of cabbage
15 pounds of corn
10 pounds of peanuts
2 watermelons
8 cantaloupes

This could sustain my personal needs for 30 days. Next step, talking to a GA field agent to determine how big each crop would need to be to cultivate desired yield. Design greenhouse to accommodate determined crop size. Design hydroponics rig to accommodate above (with some room for a cuttings section for landscape plants). Budget for 2007 organic, hydro greenhouse. I'll keep you updated. Good to back with the living:)

oneword: inspire

2006-05-12T08:56:00.000-07:00

to awaken what was always present with a gesture. A reminder that we are more than limitations imposed. Hope...in the spirit of efficiency.

oneword: original

2006-05-12T08:07:00.000-07:00

for someone unlike anyone else…it’s hard to erase what has been…to find landscapes that beg to be altered…in a way that is relevant to others.

on guard

2006-05-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being sick can be a much, needed respite from thoughts of the day. It gives your mind permission to wander past the usual lists and rehashed conversations to places more revealing. Conversations and reactions form a non sequitur, string of places to visit. Fast-forwarding and rewinding the different versions of the same event, ah...the camera angles...perspective affords. The residual benefit…identifying your role. Everyone acts out their personal story…some more straightforward than others. But it is a role, the nouns that define us to ourselves…and ultimately to those with walk on roles, bit parts in our daily hoodly-hoo. Once we have the nouns down pat…we tend to move to the verbs. Nothing premeditated mind you…more the mechanics of presentation. Venture to say the more self-conscious we are with the mechanics, the less likely we are exposing anyone to what makes us tick. How guarded are you? On a scale from one to ten…I’m a five. Might be fun if we had little meters that showcased our “on guard” status for the day.

Cough...

2006-05-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

I am sick. Jungle funk and residual phlegm...you know the drill. I've been coughing up viscous,avocado colored pieces of mah lung. I am drying out a few choice samples to make a necklace. Let me know if you have any interest in a "piece o' mah lung" accessory. Will punch in once I can breathe.

write your own captions...

2006-05-09T06:02:00.000-07:00

My Top 10 TV Characters

2006-05-09T05:31:00.000-07:00

James West and Artemus Gordon in the original 60's, Wild Wild West
Homer Simpson & Montgomery Burns from The Simpsons
Christopher "Chris in the Morning" Stevens from Northern Exposure
Ruth Fisher on Six Feet Under
Hawkeye on M*A*S*H*
Pee Wee Herman
Max On Get Smart
Bobby Hill from King of The Hill
Bob Newhart on The Newhart Show
Lisa Douglas & Eb Dawson from Green Acres

- inspired by johnnyv

advise for my ninas

2006-05-07T20:51:00.000-07:00

More in the list of things I want my girls to know should I split terra-firma prematurely:

1. If you listen, people tell you what they want from you. Everybody wants something. Set aside the ones that seek real friendship and invest in those folks.

2. When someone says, "you really wouldn't like me, if you really knew me..." It's not a joke...really. They're telling you something, pay attention.

3. Don't spend energy thinking about "what if" - "what if's" hang out next to
"wish I had's" and "if only's". Focus on "what is". Everything else doesn't really exist.

4. If you don't like the way something is done...don't bitch about it...lead by example and improve the process.

5. If someone hurts your feelings...tell them respectfully that they hurt your feelings.

6. There are going to be people you don't like. Treat them with the same respect you treat your family (ok...maybe better than you treat your family).

7. Never be afraid to love...I repeat...never be afraid to love.

8. Always begin your prayers...praying for someone else.

9. Do not give up on what is True. Do not become discouraged by injustice.

10. Do not let anything/anyone separate you from God (this means you too).

11. People who are unpleasant are hurting...the most important thing you can offer is love.

12. Begin each apology with "I love you"...("but" should not be the next word).

13. If a guy offers to give you a back massage - he's really saying he wants to sleep with you.

14. If a guy says he thinks you are brilliant - he's really saying that he wants to sleep with you.

15. If a guy says he has never met anyone like you before - he's really saying that he wants to sleep with you.

16. EXCEPTION TO THE RULE - If a guy treats you with respect for years (yes, years) and has been a loving friend, an inspiration and confidant...and you have seen him with his family, on the worst day of his life, on the best day of his life, and you have witnessed the mettle of his character, his wisdom, his discernment, his compassion...then, you have my persmission to marry. THEN, you can sleep with him:)

17. Find a place that is quiet so that you may contemplate God, pray...and listen.

18. Things gather dust (and have to be moved).

19. Never get cable.

20. Give.

Wilma!!!!

2006-05-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

“I’m not a Flinstone but I’ll make ur bedrock”

This is how my day began. Everyone has gotten those invitations from some lonely woman with a camera, who has other lonely friends who like to bop over and pose for said, lonely woman and then put their hijinks on the web so the whole wide world can "cum check out their site".

This offer came from the you’ll really like the vacation picts of me and my emaciated (but cartoon boobied) friends direction...replete with the promise of an impending "PARTEEE"! So I sez, self, I’m gonna draft this fine young lady some correspondence.

It went a little something like this:

Miss Turee,

I am compelled to comment on your reference to “Bedrock”. It took me back to the days, when the yodelin’-oldie, of Yaba-Daba-Doo, meant Little Debbie snack cakes and thirty minutes of holding my tinkle. I noticed (on your picture) that your bottom wasn’t quite fitting into that tube sock. This happened to my Grandma once when she bit the head off her sock monkey and wore “Bobby” (monkey’s name) as gauchos around the flat. Ruined a perfectly good tea party friend, I tell ya. With that said, maybe you could turn your tube sock into a tea-monkey friend when your finished wearing it.

(Friend for Bobby?) Didn’t want to take much of your time, (you seem busy washing cars with your buds - youth group fundraiser?) just wanted to thank you for inviting me to “come anytime”. Duh, directions, hello? How am I supposed to find the “hottest party in town” without directions? FYI: Come is spelled, c-o-m-e, I hate being corrected too, but I figured since there was no map and no address, you’d wanta fixit before sending it back out. btw – should I bring some steaks? Your friends look like they haven’t had a home cooked meal in a while.

Respectfully, your new, monkey loving, tea-slamming, spell checker of a friend,

A

P.S. Do you like feral mammals?

hmmm

2006-05-04T08:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes what we want is not what we need. We tend to confuse the two. What makes us comfortable? Everyone has their laundry list. Some are based upon Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
(“that we must satisfy each need in turn, starting with the first, which deals with the most obvious needs for survival itself. Only when the lower order needs of physical and emotional well-being are satisfied are we concerned with the higher order needs of influence and personal development.
Conversely, if the things that satisfy our lower order needs are swept away, we are no longer concerned about the maintenance of our higher order needs.”)

1. Biological and Physiological needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc.
2. Safety needs - protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, etc.
3. Belongingness and Love needs - work group, family, affection, relationships, etc.
4. Esteem needs - self-esteem, achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, managerial responsibility, etc.
5. Self-Actualization needs - realising personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.

Others are things that we lacked in our youth, our adolescence, our intimate relationships and still others are things we have experienced vicariously…and adopted as safe places we would like to inhabit. Some square peg in a round hole sorts…others still fit.

It’s a fragile line between need and want. Emotions enter and the plot thickens. Sometimes relevant, sometimes symbolic – should be played with and fired in the kiln. Always interesting to see what comes out the other side. Somedays ashes…somedays…a refined piece that deserves a perch in the personal gallery. I lay down in the center of that space to recognize and revisit…to muse and smile. To close the curtain on notions gathering dust…to remember why I put certain pieces on a shelf. Delighting in rediscovery…like finding pieces of a favorite game at the bottom of the closet. Hanging on to sentimental doo-dads…waxing nostalgic…enjoying what is…and what was…without being compelled to stay. Perspective certainly changes the look of this space. Not better…just different. I don’t know too much more than what is today. But, it’s nice to remember the breadcrumbs…and the diversions. It lends a sense of history…a connection to things unspoken. It’s convoluted and lacks symmetry…but it is a space I can relate to…even if my prostrate frame mocks the energy it takes to stand up. There is a difference between needs and wants. There is a difference between resting and rejuvenation, there is a difference between perspectives and experiences that claim the same moment…to spend too much time within these walls becomes self-indulgent. Better to peek in through the window next time. Better to feel the wind that way. Maybe I’ll install a fan. Maybe...I'll go for a walk.

ok...

2006-05-03T07:29:00.000-07:00

I received a few comments that accused me of pandering on the Hispania ramble. My views are based upon five things:

1. Shooting in Mexico
2. Touring Mexico
3. Growing up in Texas
4. Awe struck by the racial bias against “Hispanics”
5. Working on numerous, Latin-targeted TV campaigns for little companies like; Pepsi, HBO, Milky Way, etc.

I’d like to appeal to the crass, commercial market for starters. The fact that “Hispanic” folks living in the US constitute over 80 billion dollars of buying power a year should be enough to get the interest of a few brand loyalty experts. That’s a lot of dinero to be tossing around. That’s bidness…and it is precisely why most of the large ad agencies now boast Hispanic divisions. The buying power and brand loyalty of the Hispanic community paces any other culture living in the US besides us gringos. Yup, documented proof that if you treat Latin Americans (legal or illegal) with respect…they appreciate it, really.

But, green paper aside…what’s the real fear of brown folks? Is it that they will get your kids comfortable around Spanish speaking people? I find it interesting that gringos have no problem employing Hispanic nannies to raise their children…but put a Mexican in a suit…or on a city street waving a Mexican flag and it scares the bejeezus out of ‘em. Strap a weed whacker to their back and they blend into the landscape. But give a taco bender a microphone and they are out to reclaim the southern states for Santa Ana. Yup, the’re taking over America, one suburban yard at a time. Could it be the fact that they practice family values, instead of talking about how to legislate family values? Could it be that they have their elderly parents live with them instead of shipping them off to human warehouses? Maybe it’s the Catholic vs. the Protestant thing? (I realize I am making some pretty broad strokes here – for effect – not marginalizing the diversity of any community)

What is it…that people who claim Hispanics are “taking over America”…see? Instead of taking from…I would like to hear what you think people bring to this American culture. One of the youngest cultures in the civilized world I might add. Lest we not forget that at one time or another we all migrated to the U. S. of A. Whether it be due to persecution, or in hopes of a better life, or in chains, or as political refugees, or as conquerors of indigenous peoples, or to get a job that will better support a family, or for the education of young folks. Once you land on American soil, once you contribute to American society, once you give something to your neighbor…I don’t care what your paper says. You are American in my book. This is a place where hard work can pay off. This is a place that needs people to build community. This is a place in history, if navigated with respect and compromise, where Americans have an opportunity to show the world what we really believe to be true about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. This is an American moment as people take the streets in protest, prepare for the upcoming election, and define how we treat each other. Let’s hope you realize that you certainly have the ears of American business…but the only way you will win the respect of the body politick…is your vote. It’s great to show solidarity in the streets. It is most important that your solidarity happens at the voting booths.

betty banter

2006-05-02T04:27:00.000-07:00

Girl 1: I didn’t know you were a pharmer?
Lead: What?
Girl 1: What’re you taking?
(beat – doesn’t answer)
Girl 1 fishes in her purse and pulls out two script bottles
Girl 1: Pharming, pharmer…you know… (lifts up bottle)
Girl 2: Is that Lexapro?
Girl 1: Zoloft.
Girl 2: How bout you?
They turn to look at Our Lead.
Girl 1: reaches over and takes the bottle from her and reads…
Girl 1: Paxil
Girl 2: Good one.
Girl 2 takes two bottles out and sits on table
Girl 2: I have Lexapro…and Zyban…because Lexapro…you know the sex thing.
Girl 1: Have you had problems with that?
Girl 2: No, but if I want to make sure my man doesn’t want to have sex…I dissolve one in his beer.
Our Girl: You’ve got to be kidding me?
Girl 1: Does it work?
Girl 2: Ye-ah…totally.
Girl 1: Can I buy a couple from you?
Girl 2: Nah just take some.
Girl 1 to Lead: How’s the Paxil?
Lead: I don’t even know why I’m taking it.
Girl 2: Please.
Lead: Seriously, I can’t even tell I’m taking anything.
Gearing the convo back to #2.
Girl 1: Would you mind if I told my therapist about this?
Girl 2: No, I told my therapist about you and Jackie.
Girl 1: awww that is so sweet…you really told her about us?
Girl 2: Yeah.
Girl 1: I told my therapist about you too.
Girl 2: That means so much to me.
Girl 1: Me too.

Just sketching nothing written in pen. A little glimpse at a scene, for that thing I am writing with M.

thanks a gazillion

2006-05-02T04:18:00.000-07:00

Driving my sis to the airport I kept asking Rachel about death. (She’s an RN who is pursuing her Nurse Practitioner degree).

ME: You know the whole circle of life thing…have there been any beautiful moments that you have experienced when people die?

HER: People die in as many different ways as they live.

ME: Can use that? That’s beautiful.

HER: Sure.

ME: Have you ever asked anyone what they were thinking before they die?

HER: No, you pretty much try to be there with them, without actually getting in the way.

ME: Kind of like waiting tables, you want to be attentive, but you don’t want them to feel like you are hovering.

HER: Something like that.

ME: I bet you meet some really nice people.

HER: Yea, and some really not-so-nice people too. But mainly it’s the families. They’re scared and anxious…and you don’t know whether or not their doctors have communicated what’s really going on. It’s hard to know how much preparation they have had. Most people aren’t prepared for this kind of thing. You have the same diverse, family dynamics…only intensified. It’s a very complicated social situation.

ME: I can imagine.

HER: Most people are really sick when they come in and our job is to try an keep them alive. But, when someone makes their wishes known to me, I do what I can to help them out. When people are sick, death isn’t pretty. They have trouble breathing, they’re anxious, they’re bodies are swollen. Sometimes they are unconscious.

ME: So you don’t really see any peaceful deaths?

HER: Most of the people in the hospital don’t have peaceful deaths.

ME: So how many of the people die in their sleep?

HER: I don’t know.

ME: We missed the exit.

HER: I thought I saw the ATL airport turnoff a few miles ago.

ME: Yeah, I think we went too far…but we’re doing fine on time.

HER: You sure?

ME: Yeah, we’re doing great.

That’s my philosophy in a nutshell…Pollyanna as it is…”we’re doing great”. But, I suppose, some days, somebody somewhere isn’t doing all that great. People hurt, people are lonely, people die. With that, I would like to extend a thank you (should I exit without letting you know personally) to all of the people that share their True selves with me. The people that take a chance, the people that have given without the strings associated with a return on that investment. I measure a portion of success to be how many people I love. How many people I pray for…how many people that I fail to tell how much their friendship means. So with this breath, let it be known. I love, I cherish, I respect, I appreciate, I learn, and I enjoy each and every one of you in my own brand of friendship. Whether you be family or friend, old or new, part-time or overtime. My life is so much more interesting, so much more exciting, so much more fulfilling with each of you here. Today, I honor you. Today, I am blessed. This is all I have to give, this moment. Wrap it around yourself…and do with it what you will☺

Where is Hispania?

2006-04-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

warning: this is a ramble - not meant to be conclusive - just a dialogue generator.

Check it

Since 1987, we (the people of the United States of America) have seen a steady rise in the number of immigrants living amongst us. Melting pot and lady liberty aside...there's some interesting data from the Center For Immigration Studies that shows the Hispanic legal/illegal immigration has been a steady, 3-5 million per year. One year these numbers go up a few hundred thousand…the next year down a few hundred thousand. But, overall, a flat line.

I thought I just heard blah, blah...Mexican illegals...blah, blah...draining US economy...double blah.
a. Illegal immigration into the United States is out of control, particularly across our southern border.
b. Several members of Congress and Governors have declared states of emergency.

Where have these people been for the past 19 years??? I realize that national security is a legitimate issue. I agree, we should consider this an issue and change our current migration protocols/laws.
Aside: State Of Emergency - How about Educating American Children?

In a ranking of the best (and worst) public education systems in the US here's how those states that want to wage war on Mexicans rank (only the states that border Mexico - realize there are more state officials that want to wage this war):

California Rank - 46 out of 50 (that be close to last)
Arizona Rank - 50 out of 50 (that be last)
New Mexico Rank - 48 out of 50 (that be closer to last)
Texas Rank - 24 out of 50 (we'll call that fair to middlin')

If you're gonna wage war...I think we're aiming at the wrong target.

But, to state:

a. A flood of increasing number (particularly from Mexico) of illigals is a root of our social ills?
b. That Mexican illigal immigrants are the "problem"?

...just seems a tad myopic, and per usual oversimplified and convenient.

(Want to explore state wealth index and run it by the education data and see how it shakes)

How old were you in 1987? I was a senior in High School. Since before I attended college these numbers have not really changed. So why the political fuss? What's the sense of urgency?

Back to the taco benders - My folks used to live in Mexico, and I have experienced the people, the culture and the pros and cons of living in Mexico. I will say this, after traveling all over the world…there isn’t a culture I respect more, a people that don’t admire more, or any sort of folks I would rather have a part of the US than the fine, people from Mexico. Yup, I’m out of the closet. I love Mexicans. Not because my brother-in-law’s sweet family heralds from South O' the Border, not because I grew up in the nursery business and learned what hard-work meant, schlepping, shoulder-to-shoulder with brown-skinned cats…but because "they" remind me that living in America is blessing. That family is the most important thing….that what you do, isn’t who you are…and any culture that shuts down to relax mid-day has all of the right things going on (from a work model perspective).

FYI:
Etymologically, the term Hispano/Hispanic is derived from Hispania, the name given by the Romans to the entire Iberian Peninsula — modern-day Spain and Portugal — during the period of the Roman Republic.

The usage of Hispanic as an ethnic indicator in the United States is believed to have come into mainstream prominence following its inclusion in a question in the 1980 U.S. Census, which asked people to voluntarily identify if they were of "Spanish/Hispanic origin or descent".

As used in the United States, Hispanic is one of several terms employed to categorize all persons whose ancestry hails either from the people of Spain, any of the various peoples of Spanish-speaking Latin America, or the original settlers of the traditionally Spanish-held Southwestern United States. The term is used as a broad form of classification in the U.S. census, local and federal employment, and numerous business market researches. (thanks wiki)

For the record, I’m white trash…White trash is an American ethnic slur with a social class component. It is comparable to "honky" in that it is targeted toward white people, but also carries an allegation of low social status. To call someone "white trash" is to accuse that person of being bankrupt of cultural endowment. (forcing back 7th grade endowment cracks) By definition – “ …having crude manners, abnormally low moral standards, and lack of cultured behavior and/or education. This group is America's poorest and most disparaged and despised category of whiteness".

APRIL IS/WAS CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION MONTH

2006-04-27T19:36:00.000-07:00

You still have a few days to get some quality, old fashioned, kid whomping in before the nation turns that blind eye back to things that truly matter. Everyone knows April beatings bring May flowers but did you know:

May is . . . . Better Sleep Month, National Good Car Care Month, National Photo Month, National Salad Month, National Egg Month, National Barbecue Month, Revise Your Work Schedule Month, Date Your Mate Month, National Hamburger Month, and Fungal Infection Awareness Month.

If anyone cares I'll be scratching, while I dream about changing my oil, my tires and my work schedule. When I wake I'll have a hardboiled, barbecued egg, some spring greens and wash it down with a turkey burger. In hopes my tape worm digests half that and my lower gi infection catapults the rest to a sewer near you:)

On that note...here are a few days in May (ok, all of 'em) that you surely don't want to miss.

May 1 is . . . . . Mother Goose Day and Save The Rhino Day

May 2 is . . . . . Fire Day

May 3 is . . . . . Lumpy Rug Day

May 4 is . . . . . National Candied Orange Peel Day

May 5 is . . . . . National Hoagie Day

May 6 is . . . . . Beverage Day

May 7 is . . . . . International Tuba Day, Paste Up Day, andNational Roast Leg of Lamb Day

May 8 is . . . . . No Socks Day and Have A Coke Day

May 9 is . . . . . Lost Sock Memorial Day

May 10 is . . . . Clean Up Your Room Day

May 11 is . . . . Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day

May 12 is . . . . Limerick Day

May 13 is . . . . Leprechaun Day

May 14 is . . . . National Dance Like A Chicken Day

May 15 is . . . . National Chocolate Chip Day

May 16 is . . . . Wear Purple For Peace Day

May 17 is . . . . Pack Rat Day

May 18 is . . . . International Museum Day and Visit Your Relatives Day

May 19 is . . . . Frog Jumping Jubilee Day

May 20 is . . . . Eliza Doolittle Day

May 21 is . . . . National Memo Day and National Waitresses/Waiters Day

May 22 is . . . . Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day

May 23 is . . . . Penny Day

May 24 is . . . . National Escargot Day

May 25 is . . . . National Tap Dance Day

May 26 is . . . . Grey Day

May 27 is . . . . Body Painting Arts Festival

May 28 is . . . . National Hamburger Day

May 29 is . . . . End Of The Middle Ages Day

May 30 is . . . . My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day

May 31 is . . . . National Macaroon Day

Personally, I'm torn between going all out for - Fire Day, Grey Day, or End of The Middle Ages Day...possibilities...hmmm.

Favorite Elizabeth quotes

2006-04-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

"Noah has a boy dress and Jesus has a penis."
"Can I make that squirrel my cat?"
"Can I lick that chocolate man?" (To our Ugandan check-out guy @ Kroger)
"On my birthday I want you to fly me around the trees."
"I want you to marry Savannah's mom so we can be sisters. And I'll find Mom a good man, for her to marry."
"When Dacey comes over maybe we can all take a bath together."
"Did Joseph get mad when Mary had God's son?"
"Does the Holy Post Trick or Treat?"
"I wish Scout wouldn't lick her weenie like that. It makes me not want to eat my green beans."
"Scout licked me with the same tongue she licked her bottom with!"
"Why does Scout get to poop on the floor and not wipe?"
"Olivia is looking at me with the remote control."
"I don't like her." (Why not?) "Because she pulls her panties to the side and puts Cheez-It's in there."
"Rain makes happy and scary noises."
"Likening doesn't make any noise...it's the thunders fault."
"If you see a bear, you'd better wish you had an arrow."
"You can lay down and preted to be dead...but if the bear is sniffing some more...you can always sing at him."
"What kind of a snake is that?" (That's a garden hose)
"Why can Julia get all of the boyfriends and I can't touch tongues with Allie?"

petrol dollars

2006-04-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

To follow up on the oil post a little history on Petrol Dollar Recycling? There is a good link here if you would like to read up on how we trade oil.

http://www.trinicenter.com/oops/iraqeuro.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petrodollar_warfare

All oil is traded in US dollars. The OPEC members who sell the oil put it in US banks. Why? Conversion to other currency costs them money. Exchange rates, especially since the dollar has been taking a beating, can be hundreds of thousands…if not millions deducted from the sale price once converted.

So, billions a year get pumped into US investments and banks, due to petrol dollars. Also, all countries in the world that want to buy oil, and thats EVERY country, has to buy US dollars to purchase oil. This secures the dollar against the Euro, keeps the demand for the US dollar high and allows the US to borrow against future oil transactions. This is why the US is the only country that can run such a high deficit.

However, Sadaam, days before the current war switched all Iraq's currencies to Euros. This meant billions a year would be lost stateside. There are some that say this is why the US invaded so quickly without full preparation. Interesting to note, the first thing the US did after taking over the government of Iraq was to switch the Iraq currency back to a system based on the US dollar.

Syria has announced it is now switching to the Euro, and Iran is moving swiftly toward the conversion as well, threatening if brought before the security council, it will go Euro.

http://www.worthynews.com/news/upi-com-InternationalIntelligence-view-php-StoryID-20060213-013206-2660r/

If the US could no longer bank on the deficit-bubble…and all our mid-east oil takes to the Euro…high gas prices will be the least of our economic woes.

My vote, we will be invading Iran. Excuse – “weapons of mass destruction”. Reality – “regime change”.

Fire Ant Free Atlanta

2006-04-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

Join us at Fire Ant Free! Atlanta, a fun and educational event for the whole family. Fire Ant Free! Atlanta includes food and prizes, fire ant control application demonstrations, and FireANTics (11 a.m. to noon), a fire ant costume contest! Georgians of all ages are invited to learn from the fire ant experts in the country, such as Fire Ant Suppression Specialist Tim Davis. In addition to Davis, other experts from major universities can answer questions and demonstrate treatment options. At Fire Ant Free! Atlanta, families learn how to protect their lawns and, more importantly, themselves from fire ants. Experts are on hand to discuss the best techniques to protect families from fire ants.

Starts: 4/29/2006 Ends: 4/29/2006
Event Time: 9 a.m. - 2 p.m.
Location: Merchant's Walk Shopping Center; Marietta
Price: Free

This (surprise) is sponsored by Home Depot. You’d think they didn’t move enough cordless drills over Easter by the looks of things. When a national holiday can’t be shoehorned into the Home Depot paradigm…invent your own holiday. This sounds like fun. I would like to invent:

Georgia Strap Yo’ Stuff Down Day – This would also be a fun and educational event where the whole family can come out and learn how to tie down appliances, mattresses, garbage bags and pretty much anything you can fit into a pickup. There will be a hog tie contest where you can put your new skills to work on any willing family member. Free twisty-ties will be given away brandishing the event’s mantra, “Tie or Die”. Event sponsorship, Georgia Bureau of Investigation and your local coroner’s office.

Please feel free to add fun, family-friendly holidays that could benefit the greater community. Have a fire Ant Free, zippety-doo-dah day.

speechless

2006-04-26T08:35:00.000-07:00

I’m gonna grow up and twirl.
You should, keep on twirling, I always say.
Deddy?
Yes, babe?
Do dolphins die?
Everything dies, baby.
Do horses die?
Yes, even horses die?
Am I going to die?
Not for a long time, I don’t want you to worry about dying, ok?
Deddy?
Yes?
I want to live with you for the rest of my life and if I die, I want to die with you.

(what do you say to that)

oneword: retrospect

2006-04-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

People think they remember.

That's one of the lies we tell ourselves when daydreaming about the way it really happened. Childhood recollections are a revisionist's ambition. Try abducting a childhood memory and replaying it through the mind of an adult, it's like projecting a home movie into a swimming pool. You are familiar with the scenes, but they're different, distorted. And depending on which way the winds blowing, you may not see anything recognizable at all.

woils of spore

2006-04-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

House Majority Whip Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) blamed Democrats and "radical environmentalists" for high gas prices today.

I rarely hop on the politik rant. Primarily, because I could spend every waking moment on the outpouring…but this recent, finger-pointing, hoo-ha is absurdity at it’s finest.

Let’s begin with a history lesson. If you’ll all turn back to February of 05, the National Energy Technology Laboratory stated that many credible analysts have recently become much more pessimistic about the possibility of finding the huge new reserves needed to meet growing world demand for oil.

Even the most optimistic forecasts suggest that world oil peaking will occur in less than 25 years.

This impending, peaking of world oil production could create enormous economic disruption, as only glimpsed during the 1973 oil embargo and the 1979 Iranian oil cut-off.

That to say, bi-partisan and experts agree that we have a finite amount of fossil fuel. This is evident in the most recent documentation of fossil fuel exploration and production. 2005 has gone down in history books as perhaps the poorest year for exploration success for both oil and gas since World War II. This dismal success was not for lack of effort. Record amounts of funds are being plowed into E&P [exploration and production] capital spending, which is why all the world's rigs are now in use.

Let’s revisit Blunt’s comment. Isn’t it convenient, ramping up to election season, House Republicans are hopping on the energy issue? More importantly, that they are using, fear-based tactics to attempt to discredit? How long have the “radical environmentalists been screaming the mantra that our dependence on foreign oil is not only not sustainable, it's dangerous? Weren’t these same environmentalists scoffed at and identified as left-wing whackos over the past decade for making these ludicrous claims about our growing need for petrol?

In taking a tunnel-focused position on any issue we gloss over the complex geo-political strata of events and circumstances that got us here. I don’t believe the war in Iraq is causing these high prices. Our oil consumption, the world petrol market existed long before Bush invaded. I wonder why fine public servants are choosing now to take a stand? BTW, this isn't something that democrats or republicans are going to be able to fix in a term or two. Our dependancy demands the finest minds from every camp, open discourse, late nights, and sustainable, environment-centric (with a free-market, nod to the auto industry) solutions.

As early as April 1997, a report from the James A. Baker Institute of Public Policy at Rice University addressed the problem of "energy security" for the United States, and noted that the US was increasingly threatened by oil shortages in the face of the inability of oil supplies to keep up with world demand. In particular the report addressed "The Threat of Iraq and Iran" to the free flow of oil out of the Middle East. It concluded that Saddam Hussein was still a threat to Middle Eastern security and still had the military capability to exercise force beyond Iraq's borders.

The Bush Administration returned to this theme as soon as it took office in 2001, by following the lead of a second report from the same Institute. This Task Force Report was co-sponsored by the Council on Foreign Relations in New York, another group historically concerned about US access to overseas oil resources. The Report represented a consensus of thinking among energy experts of both political parties, and was signed by Democrats as well as Republicans.

The report, Strategic Energy Policy Challenges for the 21st Century, concluded: "The United States remains a prisoner of its energy dilemma. Iraq remains a de-stabilizing influence to ... the flow of oil to international markets from the Middle East. Saddam Hussein has also demonstrated a willingness to threaten to use the oil weapon and to use his own export program to manipulate oil markets. Therefore the US should conduct an immediate policy review toward Iraq including military, energy, economic and political/ diplomatic assessments." So, we did. Bungled it, we did.

Now, you think there is any coincidence that Bush is an ex-oilman…that Cheney is an oilman…that Bush Sr. is an oilman…that Condi Rice is the only white house official with an oil tanker named after her? Who have this party aligned themselves with? What have they committed their life work to? Anyone? I herald from the Republic of Texas and I can say with confidence, “Folks take their oil very seriously in the Lone Star State”. I'm not saying this is entirely the fault of this regime. I am saying that this White House has created an environment that benefits oil interests. Factual and non-partisan.

To have the Republican Whip, state with a straight face, that “radical environmentalists” are to blame for the gas prices…when Exxon made the highest profits in any given fiscal year…in the history of this nation. Yup, the most profits EVER by any, company. It makes you wonder? How did those environmentalists do it…and how can I get some of these left-wing, whackos on the payroll to consult for me (if their results break all profit records)?

Katrina didn’t cause this, war didn’t cause this, oil lobbyist didn’t cause this, and brown people in burkas didn’t cause this. We caused it. You…me…everyone who didn’t take action when watchdog groups and left-wing nutjobs, and right-wing committees, and national data crunchers, and scientists from every corner of God’s green earth…laid it out...simple-like, year after year, after year. WE HAVE TO REDUCE OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOSSIL FUELS, or pay the price. Green paper is actually a small price to pay. My concern, if we don’t heed wise council, is that the price we pay tomorrow might be far greater than any of us could imagine.

feces and Reeses

2006-04-24T06:42:00.000-07:00

You know what would be really good?
No, I don’t, why don’t you tell me.
A big cake with some of that chocolate candy in the orange wrapper.
Which candy?
The one that dresses itself in the crinkle, muffin things.
I think you’re talking about Reeses.
Yaay!
Ok, but let’s focus on breakfast.
Reeses, please?
Not for breakfast lady. How about some oatmeal?
With some…Reeses?
How about with some oranges?
(does the Napolean Dynamite arm motion) Yesssss.
Why don’t you get Scout some breakfast while I make your oatmeal.
I think Scout would like some Reeses.
I think that might make Scout sick, babe.
Then can I have Scout’s Reeses?
No one is having Reeses for breakfast.
It might give her diorama.
Diahrea?
Nope, diorama.
A diorama is like what you make for your horses. Like when you make a stable, and a house and the horse nail salon. It’s like a scene…that’s what that is.
Oh…what’s diorema again?
Diahrea?
Mmmm-hmmm.
Well, that’s when you get sick at your tummy and it makes your poop…kinda like water.
Poop water?
Yes, that’s essentially it.
Will scout get the diorema?
Only if we feed her people food. Dog food doesn’t make Scout sick.
I don’t want oatmeal.
I already made it. Here sit down and finish the oranges.
Dad, will oatmeal give me poop water?
It shouldn’t.
What if it does?
It won’t.
What if it does?
Babe, you eat oatmeal all the time…has it made you sick before?
Uh-huh.
When?
I don’t know.
You know you’re going to be late for school if you don’t eat your breakfast.
If I get diorema will I have to wear pull-ups?
You are not going to get diorema….now, please eat….you don’t want to be late for the firemen today at school.
Dad?
Yes, sweet?
Could I bring the firefightermen some Reeses?

20 lessons we learn from movies

2006-04-23T12:17:00.001-07:00

1. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
someone in the control tower to talk you down.(and, of course, a hottie to kiss you when you hit terra firma)

2. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown
through it (with minimal lacerations) before long.

3. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

4. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to
the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the
man lying beside her.

5. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you
can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. (and this is a great place to intercept evil plans)

6. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
ammunition- even if you haven't been carrying any. Unless you need to switch to a knife to defeat the evil-doer (climax, tension and resolution).

7. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless
you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your
sweetheart back home. Once you show the baby-blues, you've got less than an act left before your buddy is clutching said photo.

8. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. Which inevitably leads to a make-out session.

10. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you
take out a bill, just grab one at random and hand it over. It
will always be the exact fare.

11. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen
at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

12. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room...any room...any time. And you can bet if you're telling a story to someone in the glow...someone is in the ventilation shaft listening in.

13. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one, or a gun, or a car with the keys in them.

14. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning
or ending phone conversations.

15. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
large digital readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. Handy!

16. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you
bump into will know all the steps. Also, if you happen to turn into a zombie...count on other souls coming to life...and yup...they know the steps also.

17. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to
attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner
until you have knocked out their predecessors. Unless of course, it's a Michelle Yeoh picture...then she just takes out 3 at a time.

18. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to
make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their
total opposite, and oft...on the take and involved in some complicated scheme that will unltimately take down your boss, people in the DA's office...and at least one political figure that is up for re-election.

19. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English
to each other.

20. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth...and styling gel.

rant n rave

2006-04-21T11:49:00.000-07:00

Aside: before I hop back onto the soapbox. When you point a finger at the follower of any religion and make blanket judgments about an individual based upon the beliefs and actions of a few...you miss the opportunity to learn. You also marginalize the value of an individuals contributions and perspectives. You may disagree…you may think they are evil. But to say all Christians are fundamentalist…or all people who believe in Christ are “x”, “y” or “z” is simply an uneducated assumption. Diversity is the hallmark of individual belief systems. I know as many democratic Christians as I do Republican Christians. I know as many moderates as I do conservatives. I have consciously, side-stepped the biblical perspective for two reasons.

1. If you are discussing morality with anyone…there are a host of tenants that need to be agreed upon, or at the very least defined, before you step into the supernatural realm.
2. My goal is to meet Southern Atheist where he stands today and engage his mythos, his belief structure, and condense the acsertations into a cohesive definition.

Morality is the business of making good or bad choices. Good choices fulfill one's values and universal value systems, while bad choices do not. (this is an oversimplification but too many friends said the last post was “yawn”). Since reality is based on fact, values, for the most part, are also based on fact. For example, if you value your cat, you cannot fulfill that value without taking care of said cat. And taking care of a cat requires actions based on facts: cats need certain kinds of food; cats need a suitable place to poop, and cats need affection and stimulation. Only certain actions can fulfill the cat's needs, like providing cat food and a clean litter box and cat toys. Doing these things is the only way to fulfill one's pet cat values.

Values are contextual, and I will acquiesce – in radical cases – can be counter to social, religious and universal values, but they are still fact-based.

These value principles, or moral values, are all universal in the same way that the laws of physics are universal. A moral principle or system, or a political principle or system, is invalid if it is asymmetrical in application (to locations, times or persons).

This Moral Razor makes use of universality the same way that logic and physics make use of universality. If the laws of thermodynamics exist on Earth, then they exist everywhere. If the laws of logic exist on Earth, then they exist everywhere.

Moral systems based on asymmetrical sets of dictates, lame-duck attempts at justifying different sets of moral rules for different individuals…don’t seem to make any sense.

On "good" and "eeeeevil"

2006-04-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Relativism is commonly recognized as the thesis that all points of view are equally valid (I suppose that all depends on where you’re coming from). In ethics, this amounts to saying that all moralities are equally good; in epistemology it implies that all beliefs, or belief systems, are equally true. I believe relative foundations for core arguments; i.e. – the existence of good and evil, the existence of God, the existence of just about anything, pernicious since they undermine the process of trying to improve modes of thinking. I also believe that relativism is a copout, “I’m ok…you’re ok.” Think about this for a sec. Take any issue…pick a hot topic…any moral position. I’ll pluck murder out of the pile because most folks wouldn’t consider this a black & white issue, then again it all depends. If good and evil are relative notions (and I think there are varied, relevant, nomenclatures you could explore – but run with me here). But wait, let me share with you what brung me: this is a post from – southern atheist:

You can find his ramble @ www.southernatheist.blogspot.com
I encourage any, and all, to bop over and comment away, should you feel the tug.

“The very idea that there's a never-ending, supernatural battle between "good" and "evil" is completely ridiculous. The concepts of "good" and "evil" are simply opinions and aren't written in stone. What one group accepts as being evil, another group might accept as being good. Generally, it's the moral compass of the majority which defines each of these ideas for each individual. There's nothing supernatural about them.”

How about defining good and evil? If I walked up to you and said, “I’m not black…I’m not Jewish.” What does that tell you about me? Seems like it’s taking the long way around talking about what isn’t…instead of what is. Respectfully, southern atheist, I challenge you to define this relative good and evil first and foremost. But, for fun, let’s talk murder. Is murder good…or evil…or neither?

I’ll define murder the way Webster shakes it:
“The unlawful killing of one human by another, especially with premeditated malice.”

This is the accepted definition of murder, I suppose, depending on where you’re coming from. Working with that definition…is murder evil? Substitute wrong? Substitute unhealthy? Is this your opinion or is it based upon…what?

“The moral compass of the majority which defines these ideas for each individual.”

I am not interested in what the majority has to say. I would like “senior suthahn” to give me his definition. Everyone is entitled to their opinion(s)…right? But, there are some things that are fundamentally wrong, evil, bad ad infinitum, aren’t there? Now for good. Let’s start by checking out Webster – I know it was probably written under the reigning, socio-political, majority that all of such opinions are penned…but until I get a bettah definition. I’m clinging to the oral majority, Webster. good = “Worthy of respect; honorable.”

This would be the version I would choose based upon my experiences with the enterprise of choosing definitions (there are more than 12 different connotations). But, I suppose, all that’s relative. It do get silly do’int it? Let’s pick something honorable out of the hat. Hugging someone. Typically not a black and white issue, assuming said someone’s goal wasn’t to asphyxiate, rape, maim, disrespect, or divulge a secret identity to the terrorists by way of “love signals”. Nope, just a normal, run o’ the mill good natured, caring, nice to see ya, sorta, hug. Could we call this good? Substitute kind? Substitute caring? Let’s also assume the motives are altruistic (please don’t make me do the definition thing again)…I know…lot’s of assumptions…but it’s all relative…er…relevant.

Point? Seems you're riding the Nietche train claiming there is no privileged access to a definitive version of life, the world, or anything else, and thus no privileged language for achieving such knowledge. After all, fact-of-the-matter reasoning is, in Nietzsche's world, "a mobile army of metaphors," a historical succession of fictions, which does not, reveal any emerging higher truths, like progress or the march to a final utopia, or God, or good and evil, or a growing insight into how reality really works. In this view of language, semiotics, meaning and definition there is no final answer available. There is no good…no evil…no God. Seems cynical, uncreative…and at the very least unbelievably, self-important. I suppose an unending series of freshly created interpretations, fresh metaphors, stories or fictional narratives that perpetually define and redefine (depending on where you are at any particular moment) might seem like the way to go. Just seems like masturbation to me…but I suppose…that might bother some folks…it all depends on where you’re coming from.

I guess the thing I want to understand is who hurt you so deeply that you have dedicated an entire blog to bashing others? As I swing my bat ("evil" grin).

oneword: vain

2006-04-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

I was invitied to contribute to a writer's blog. One of the doo-dads is this "oneword" description, poetry, streaming consciousness thingy. Below is my first post. (I don't pick the word).

"The sinew of self-importance…an opaque subsistence…lipstick aspirations do little to sate the desire for approval. Heartbreaking pleas are mistaken for beauty…

Who is taking advantage of whom?"

More Scrambled & IP Infringement?

2006-04-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

The Man Behind Scrambled Hackz

By Eliot Van Buskirk
http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,70664-0.html?tw=rss.index

I saw a video the other day that really stood out from the rest of the links making the rounds.

It depicts a man demonstrating software that appears to parse what he's saying fast enough to reassemble the same words by pulling and reordering bits from a recorded Michael Jackson interview. The result: Jackson appears to speak the same sentence right back to him.

The man goes on to explain how the software behind this process works, and his video closes with a live performance of the software in which a performer appears to employ the beat-box method to control the playback of audio and video on a large video screen behind him, in front of what I can only imagine must be a dazzled crowd.

If you haven't seen it yet, you can watch the video here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=eRlhKaxcKpA&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2
Epopmodernism%2Eorg%2Fscrambledhackz%2F%3Fc%3D4

It might look like a fancy parlor trick, but if the Scrambled Hackz (or "sCrAmBlEd?HaCkZ!") software does what it appears to do in the video, its ramifications extend far beyond. Sven Konig does a fine job of explaining how the software works in the above video, but here's the general idea:

1) Scrambled Hackz analyzes the audio portion of a video file to determine the tempo of the incoming audio, and then slices it up into discrete chunks of a quarter note, eighth note, sixteenth note and so on (a process also used by audio editing programs such as Ableton Live and Sony's Acid software).

2) Using a large number of vectors, those slices are classified into a database according to their sonic characteristics.

3) When you send new audio information to the program (using, say, your voice and a microphone), it follows approximately the same process, becoming classified in the database. The software then outputs the pre-analyzed sample that is most similar to that newly cached sample.

4) The result, as you can see in the video, is that Knig is able to reconfigure a Michael Jackson interview or any number of '80s music videos on the fly, so that they produce a sound similar to whatever he inputs. On screen, the software plays the frames of video that accompany the selected audio.

I must admit to having been enthralled by this video, because Scrambled Hackz appears to have countless possibilities. One could use the system as a virtual guitar pedal onstage, or as an audio interface to a massive library of longer samples. Producers looking for something that "sounds something like this" would be able to find exactly that in seconds. Or, live performers could use it as it's already been used (see video), as an audiovisual instrument in its own right.

Knig says Scrambled Hackz was designed specifically to infringe copyright. But it has substantial non-infringing uses, so it passes the main litmus test for whether a piece of software is legal. Users could record audio or video of themselves and use the program to pull together samples of various past performances into a real-time performance. For instance, I could take every bass line I've ever recorded and create new ones out of them merely by humming a few bars. An established artist could perform a single song in a live setting that encompassed his or her entire recorded audio and video catalog. People might load their entire media collections into Scrambled Hackz and play around with them in their homes, in art galleries or on a stage, using only their vocal cords or any instrument.

The list goes on and on. Scrambled Hackz' potential uses, both infringing and non-infringing, are mind-boggling. I can't wait to see what people build on top of it, either.

Wired News was not able to test the program, although it should soon be compiled into something that anyone can use. On the strength of the demonstration video alone, Scrambled Hackz is seriously exciting. An interview with its creator, Knig, was in order.

Wired News: How did the idea to create Scrambled Hackz initially come to you?

Sven Knig: My background is more conceptual media art than it is music, and my current main interest is intellectual property, the history of this concept and how it will shape future societies in which most valuable goods are immaterial: ideas/knowledge and information.

I believed (and still do) that IP is fundamentally wrong, and if that's the case it must be possible to show that, not just by writing a text but by an artistic project. So the original idea of (Scrambled Hackz) was just to somehow "hack copyright." I'm a music lover so it was quite clear that I wanted to work with music.

In the beginning I just wanted to show that any of my own music could be completely reconstructed out of very small samples of copyrighted music, to ask the question of who now owns that music? Do I own it or do 30 other musicians/labels own my song?

WN: How long did you develop it after that?

SK: From the first idea above (that was in early 2004) it took just one month to write a small command-line program that would do what I wanted. But its functionality was very limited and it took 60 minutes to synthesize a song of five minutes' length. That was actually already enough to illustrate the original concept but I've realized that if I could get it working in real time it could become a "discursive software." Since then I'm working on the real-time version.

WN: What sort of response have you received from people who have seen the video?

SK: Since I got Boing Boinged I've received thousands of mails from people telling me what a great idea this is. Most of them also want the software badly.

WN: Have you received any commercial or open-source-collaboration interest?

SK: A few commercial inquiries and a lot of people offering help for the open-source development.

WN: When might Scrambled Hackz be released to the public, and under which license and operating systems?

SK: I'm currently very busy with lots of other things, but because there's such a great interest I hope to find the time to launch (Scrambled Hackz) on SourceForge in mid-May. The initial release will be just the core so the nerds can already start to play with it. All code will be licensed under the GNU GPL and it will be platform-independent.

WN: I was astounded by the speed with which the program is able to reassemble the Michael Jackson interview once the sound sample database has been created. Can users of the eventual release expect that sort of performance on a normal machine? Will any special hardware be required?

SK: Michael works in real time on my 2-year-old laptop, a 1.7-(GHz) Centrino with 1.5 (GB of) RAM. No special hardware is needed; any recent computer will do it.

WN: Could the sample lengths be made longer to enable Scrambled Hackz to act as the search mechanism for full measures of music? I'm picturing using it to find the right four-measure sample in a large database, for instance.

SK: Scrambled Hackz is not made for that, but with some tweaking and improvements it should be possible.

WN: Will users be able to analyze their own video and audio libraries using Scrambled Hackz?

SK: Yes, of course.

WN: Are you taking the installation on the road, or are there permanent places where people can try it for themselves?

SK: I'm currently mainly focusing on the improvement of my performance. The installation is shown only at some media art festivals. But I'm getting many inquiries from artists who want to use the software for installations, so maybe it won't take very long and we will see many (Scrambled Hackz) installations everywhere. My installation is very basic anyway. I'm really looking forward to what other people come up with.

The Why’s of the (more than likely) Never Agains.

2006-04-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

1. I was mid-twenties and I spent at least two hours a day on the bike. Most days I spent four. I will never have that much
free time again…and if I did…I wouldn’t choose to spend it all on a bike.

2. Riding a boxcar was exhilarating. There were moments when I had to lay flat to make it under branches and bridges.
Heart was pounding…worried about the clearance…never hugged metal so hard. But, way too dangerous…in retrospect
…I am lucky I didn’t kill myself.

3. Just plain stupid…fun…but stupid.

4. Ever been stabbed all over. Ever bled on the inside and had it turn into purplish bruises all over yo’ body. I couldn’t see
…I nearly ate it several times…and I was so tense by the time I got home…most of mah muscles were cramping. Suffice
it to say…this was actually more painful that shooting my talus dome away from mah ankle. Never!

5. Just because I won't.

6. Do you really need a comment here?

7. Ever thought about working fast food or construction? Or any other thankless grueling job? Try working on an Indie
feature for a brisk, change of pace…and learn humility, self-deprecation and immerse yo’sef into a delusional, self-
obsessed, megalomaniacal world of smoke and mirrors.

8. Self-explanatory

9. Self-explanatory

10. I reserve this one for tomorrow’s post.

11. Sure, it looks like it would be sub-tropical, exotic, overflowing with Blue Lagoon-esque mystique. What you don’t get from the photo is this salty hole is roughly 50 feet under ground. Here’s what they tell you –“After you've crawled under some especially low hanging stalactites you're greeted by an incredible scene. A beautiful blue green pool of unknown depth stretches out before you. A massive stalagtite hangs down, just inches from touching the surface, and above a piercing beam of light streams in from the ceiling, illuminating the pool and the entire chamber.” What they don’t tell you - Entry is through a vertical hole with narrow stair steps carved by the Mayan's (Mayan = short, really small humans). The air is thick and musty (musty = dank, fecal, and ripe with BO). One misstep on the slimy ledges threatens to send you falling over 20 feet. There are places where you literally crawl through this chimney. I’m down for some vert bouldering…but I was ill prepared wearing Tevas…and shorts. What they tell you – “Once your eyes get used to the light level a bizarre world takes shape. Stalagtites of blood red limestone seem to ooze from the dripping walls. Ahead is a strange green pool of glowing water.” Your eyes never adjust…but your nose and ears…in the infamous words of XTC...those sensing are “working overtime”. My guess, the "blood red limestone", is stained with the locals lifeforce. Those once sane who upon spending time basking in the reflective pools of Hades, took their own lives, opting never to leave this subterranean, claustrophobic tomb with a view. Or maybe it's just me:) My cenote experience was filled with screaming kids (they weren’t even screaming in English)…then you have the echo (echo…echo…echo)…and a funk unlike anything I have ever experienced…(again) claustrophobic, fetid and loud. I suppose if you stumbled across this opening, devoid of humans, amid the anesthetis(z)ing glow of nuptial bliss…you could etch a memorable moment. But, I have a thing for oxygen. (I think I actually released something here:)) Oh yeah, they sell postcards...so you can relive the memory...and share it wit yo pals.

The open-air, cenotes like the one at Chichén Itzá were interesting and more peaceful to me. Aside: this is where the short folks tossed their human sacrifices. Virgin sacrifices aside…gotta love a culture that gave us the 12 month calendar. On a scale of 1-10, I give cenotes a “5”. “6” being deep-sea fishing right before a hurricane with 25 foot swells. “4” being stranded in Red Rock National Park with no water.

Opticonicrom

2006-04-18T08:11:00.000-07:00

Once again, technology never ceases to amaze. Now if they can just come up with a remote that allows you to change the weather, freeze time and zap automotrons into thinking, compassionate folks. And while you nano-technologists get your feet wet with above requests...how about a morality meter (to be placed at the entrance to the House Of Congress)...that works similar to a metal detector. No conscience...no entry. Can be sung to the tune of "No Woman, No Cry". I will roll down my windows on the daily commute anticipating a unified voice being lifted from metal boxes...to the doors of our governing body. Anyone?

The Opticon is a traffic pre-emption device that allows emergency vehicles to change a traffic light to green in the direction that they are traveling while all other directions turn to yellow then red. The Opticon works by transmitting a coded flashing beam to a receiver mounted on the traffic light. When the Opticon receives the signal it begins to change traffic lights so that only the emergency vehicle has the green light. After the signal has changed, the Opticon then flashes a light back to the emergency vehicle so that the operator knows the Opticon is working.

Man who turned lights green caught red-handed
City engineer set up a stakeout to find perpetually on-time commuter

Amanda Arthur
For the Reporter-Herald

"LONGMONT — A Longmont man who thought he’d found an easy and covert way to make up for lost time on his morning commute ended up with a traffic ticket after drawing the attention of the city’s traffic engineer.
Jason Niccum was issued a citation March 29 for allegedly interfering with a traffic signal after police say they nabbed him as he used a strobelike device purchased on eBay to change red lights to green.

“I’m always running late,” police quoted Niccum as saying in an incident report.

The device, called an Opticon, is similar to those used by firetrucks and ambulances to change traffic lights as they respond to emergencies. The device emits an infrared pulse that is detected by receivers on the top of traffic lights.

Niccum said Wednesday that he used the device, which he bought on eBay for $100, for more than two years.

His trick caught up with him when city traffic engineers noticed repeated disruptions in traffic light patterns from Ninth Avenue at Main Street all the way south to Ken Pratt Boulevard.

The city had been conducting its regular data analysis and following up on some complaints about traffic backups.

According to traffic engineer Joe Olson, the data showed that around the same time each morning, the lights’ normal cycles were being pre-empted.

According to Longmont Police Cmdr. Craig Earhart, city engineers knew something was amiss when they called the fire department and found out there were no emergency vehicles on that stretch of road when the lights were being switched.

The engineers decided to investigate by videotaping traffic at Ken Pratt and Main for several mornings. In doing so, they noticed a white Ford pickup traveling through the area every time the light patterns were disrupted.

“A city engineer set up a stakeout on March 29, and as soon as (Niccum) tripped (the light) in the intersection, the engineer called us,” Earhart said.

Police issued Niccum a ticket and confiscated the Opticon, telling him it was illegal to possess it.

In a phone interview, Niccum said he was surprised to be ticketed for using the device.

“They told me they’d been tracking me using it for about a week, and I thought, ‘What about the other 900 days I’ve used it?’” he said.

Niccum said he knew the police were “on to him” when, while driving his usual route to work, he saw someone videotaping him traveling through an intersection on Main Street.

“As I went through the intersection, the camcorder followed my truck,” he said.

Earhart said using an Opticon to hurry to work is dangerous because other drivers aren’t expecting the lights to change suddenly.

“When firefighters do it, (the drivers) are forewarned because they have lights and sirens,” he said.

Olson said Tuesday that traffic engineers plan this year to update the city’s Opticon system to prevent future light disruptions. He estimated that a new system, which would be able to block out unauthorized light-changing signals, could cost about $75,000.

Police and city traffic engineers said they aren’t aware of any previous incidents of people using Opticons in the city.

Niccum said he felt fortunate the ticket he was given didn’t take any points away from his license and simply fined him $50.

“I guess in the two years I had it, that thing paid for itself,” he said"

You can buy one of these on ebay for under $15.00.

scrambled hacks

2006-04-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

This is the closest thing to original I have seen in a while. But, the content in these scrambled hacks are not. I would've never left the house during my wake and bake days had I access to this. Must see to truly appreciate.

paste below link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=eRlhKaxcKpA&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2
Epopmodernism%2Eorg%2Fscrambledhackz%2F%3Fc%3D4

11 Things I have Done But Will (more than likely) Never Do Again

2006-04-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

1. Hotter n’ Hell 100
2. Hop a boxcar
3. Drive over 100 mph on the highway
4. Ride a bike (motorcycle) in the rain
5. Live in Los Angeles
6. Confuse sex with love
7. Work on a low budget feature film
8. Hike sans clothing (poison ivy, mosquitoes, chiggers & ticks)
9. Attend college
10. Canoe the Rio Grande (Santa Elena Canyon) in a flash flood
11. Venture into an underground cenote

evil...you are (in my best Yoda voice)

2006-04-12T06:57:00.000-07:00

“Billions of dollars has been made off the series of movies called The Star Wars that is beloved by millions. Many big fans of this space opera, do not know that the fantasy epic they enjoy is not a simple entertainment, but Satan's Battleground for their very souls!

In this “Final Episode” of the Star Wars, EVIL triumphs using the Force - a greater force they claim than God! This is a Dangerous LIE! This is no mindless entertainment, but an attempt by DEMONS to distract you from your real 75 year mission on planet Earth, to give yourself to Jesus! Do not trust a Yodah puppet from Satan’s dream factory, trust in the Word of the Bible!

Since 1999 we warned that the end times will be upon us with THE SEVENTH SEQUEL – and that time is now. Do you have a collection of the Star Wars figures and idols? Do you watch the Star Wars- religiously? No Force can help you, White side or Black. Armies fight Babylon, the towers exploded - the battle of Armageddon is soon, but you must decide! Turn your back on fantasy movies and give yourself to the only real faith – the truth of JESUS.

Christians REJOICE! Jesus will lead us in a real star war - between the armies of Heaven and Satan. Believers will “beam” up to the Starship in the sky, and Captain Jesus shall lead a thousand year Federation of Planets before Judgment Day. We are destined to WIN!

And there were voices, and thunders, and lightnings; and there was a great earthquake, such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great. -Revelations 16:18

When you stand before Jesus’ throne what will you say you believe in —the power of the Lord, or the power of the Force? Science fiction fans repent. Your very eternal SOUL depends on your answer.”
Wow! and double Wow!

More than 70,000 people in Australia have declared that they are followers of the Jedi faith, the religion created by the Star Wars films.

A recent census found that one in 270 respondents - or 0.37% of the population - say they believe in "the force", an energy field that gives Jedi Knights like Luke Skywalker their power in the films.

Most of the 70,509 people who wrote Jedi on their census forms were suspected to have done so in response to an e-mail encouraging all Star Wars fans to get it recognised as an official religion.

Jedi Master Yoda: "You must feel the force around you"

But the majority do not seriously tell each other: "May the force be with you", according to Australian Star Wars Appreciation Society president Chris Brennan.

"When you look at it you probably have got about 5,000 people in that 70,000 that were true hard-core people that would believe the Jedi religion carte blanche," he told ABC Radio.

"Then you would have 50,000 fans that said 'oh yeah we'll just put down Jedi for fun, we don't actually have a religion of our own'.

"Then you probably have 15,000 people who did it just to give the government a bit of curry," he said.

'Not defined'

An e-mail was sent around the world in 2001 saying that if 10,000 people declared they were Jedi, it would be recognised as an official religion.

But the Australian Bureau of Statistics said it would be categorised as "not defined".

Thousands of people in New Zealand and the UK also followed the advice of the e-mail - with Jedi Knight even being included on the list of religions by UK census authorities.

ORIGIN: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/2218456.stm
More characters than a Korean keyboard!!!!!

and triple Wow! The end is near folks:)

Papa Has Six Nipples

2006-04-11T07:38:00.000-07:00

I heard her wake. Sometimes she’ll wake with a cry. Maybe a nightmare, maybe just cranky and wishing she could sleep. It must be lonely being up all by herself. So, she rouses me. Her reader, her laugher, her snuggle…she leans in to my face and brushes her nose against my cheek. Whispering, “You are my gift from God.” Ok, that’s not fair! I have been hooked into snuggling…wanting to sleep but refusing to walk away from that brand of love. Once she knows she has my full attention she begins.
“On my birthday I want Papa to build a barn for the horses.”
“We don’t have any horses.”
“Well, it will be my birthday…maybe Santa Claus could bring dome horses for the barn Papa is going to build.”
“We live on a hill lady. Who’s gonna pay for these horses?”
“Santa Claus.”
“What if Santa Claus is a little short, on account of elf labor organizing and the price of coal?”
“What’s orgenezing?”
“It’s when all of the elves get together and have a party…at this party they decide that they have been working for gingerbread and sugar plums for too long. And they are getting tired of Santa living all fat and happy on the hill while they make toys and so forth. So they want Santa and Mrs. Claus to compensate.”
“What’s compensate?”
“That’s when you pay somebody for something they have done.”
“Like when you gave me money when I wipe myself?”
“Besactly.”
“So Santa is going to have to pay out to keep his Oompa Loompa sweat shop en force.”
“Did he get the Ooompa Loompas from the guy that looks like the girl?”
“Nah, that was just movie stuff. Johnny Depp…that girl lookin’ guy doesn’t really look like that…he was playing dress up.”
“He looks pretty.”
“Yes, he does.”
“Papa can build a doghouse for Scout.”
“You might want to talk to Papa before you commit him to building all of this stuff.”
“You know on my birthday.”
“Yes?”
“Could I get a dolphin?”
“Baby dolphins need a lot of room.”
“She could have my room.”
“They also need salt water…a lot of salt water.”
“Like what I do that thing with when my tonsil hurt?”
“Just like that…but a lot more.”
“We could just fill up my room with it.”
“We could…but it’s a lot harder to do than it sounds.”
“Maybe Papa could build a pool.”
“You know Papa is mid-fifties lady.”
“And bald…”
“Yes, and bald.”
“You’re bald, Mr. Man.”
“Yes, it’s true, I shave my head.”
“Why do you shave your head?”
“Be cause it feels good…feel.”
“You feel like Scout’s tummy…that’s funny.”
“Very nice.”
“Scout has six nipples”
“Yes, Scout does have six nipples.”
“I have two nipples.”
“Yes you do have two nipples.”
“Papa has a penis.”
“Yes, Papa does have a penis.”
“Papa has six nipples too.”
“Elizabeth…if we are going to get into the whole penis, nipple thing…I’m going back to sleep. Why don’t you try to calm down.”
“Do dolphins have penises.”
“Elizabeth…seriously…I’m done.”
“Papa builds a barn…Papa builds a swimming pool…Papa builds a penis…Papa builds a penis…”
“Goodnight, Elizabeth.”
“Goodnight Daddy-O.”
“Daddy?”
“Yes baby.”
“You’re my special gift from God.”
“You too, sweet…you too.”

man O' man...

2006-04-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

Just got back from one of the poorest states in the U. S. of A. Have a bevy of new posts tomorrow:)

i cannot believe how lucky i am

2006-04-07T06:53:00.000-07:00

this is hands down the best fight scene in the history of celluloid. these guys are my heroes!
props to my buddy evan for the push in this direction.
check it:

http://video.feber.se/2006/04/vrldens_smsta_f.html

What’s wrong with me, by my closest friends

2006-04-05T18:28:00.000-07:00

I asked several friends if they would define the things they don’t like about me. Here tis:

1. You are too intense.
2. You are dramatic sometimes when you should coast.
3. You have terrible timing (saying inappropriate things @ inappropriate times).
4. You overthink, overanalyze things.
5. You have a tendency to disappear when you feel uncomfortable.
6. You don’t call enough (I was told email is a pale substitute).
7. You don’t put yourself first sometimes when you should.
8. You talk too much.
9. You tend to say “Ok”, when you should be defending your position.
10. You don’t let people thank you. You're dismissive when they try.
11. You get an idea stuck in your head and then you act as if it were true.
12. You don’t get out enough.
13. You never yell…”I have never heard you yell. That’s weird.”

First and foremost, thank all of you who were brutally honest. My response as follows:

1. I’m a creator.
2. I repeat…I am a creator.
3. Ok.
4. I’ll certainly give that some thought. You may find me Monday evenings at neurotic/analytics night at the Freudian Slip
(Local speakeasy and group ceramics hooha where your digressions and agressions meet twixt the throwing of the clay)
5. Allow me a defense mechanism. I feel like disappearing is benign, it allows for objectivity and it gives me a chance
to think and analyze things. Besides, there's the off chance that people will think you've actually left the room and they
will unknowingly disclose super-secret scraps...like the tenets of alchemy, string theory models and embarassing
college photos.
6. Take what I give and don’t kevetch about the format☺ How's that for defining my boundaries?
7. I understand the sentiment…but I can be selfish. Get between me and a DQ double-dipped chocolate cone
and you will witness.
8. Maybe…also another one of those whacky forms of communication I am so fond of.
9. Ok.
10. Thanks. Whatever.
11. Only if that idea is true!
12. It all depends on how you define getting out. I take luxurious vacations from reality on a daily basis…I just leave my bag
O’ meat behind when I head topside.
13. I NEVER REALLY LIKED YELLING ALL THAT MUCH. But if it makes you feel better...I have wanted to yell...at you:)

Summary:
I’ve got my quirk…but I do try to learn from mistakes. I will listen if you need to talk. I won’t try and fix your problem (still working on that one – let’s leave it at I’ll really try not to). I consider each moment a gift…and I work not to summarize anyone (except myself, of course) into a confining space where I marginalize or have expectations (expectations ARE premeditated resentments and they kill the joy of the moment). I don’t like fluorescent lighting unless used under controlled conditions (i.e. – in a studio environment).

I think my worst attributes are as follows:

1. Judgement
2. Misunderstanding others
3. Over simplifying or overcomplicating (Guess this might fall into #4 on my friends' list)
4. Seeing potential and missing the moment
5. Seeing the past and missing the moment
6. Examining all sides of a position while failing to define my own perspective
7. Not having enough Faith in provision and grace
8. That I can’t really fly

11 things I have never done

2006-04-04T19:58:00.000-07:00

consumed condiments - i.e.: mustard, mayo, catsup, etc.
quit while I was ahead
apologized to my brother for being in insufferable jerk when we were kids
said no, when asked if I would like to dance
changed my own oil
been ice fishing
subscribed to cable
joined a fraternal order of any kind
quit being grateful of what I have learned/am learning from my folks
enjoyed the scene
dressed up for a costume party

inspired by senior vano.

on simplicity

2006-04-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

(I do not know who to attribute these quotes to)

Be brave enough to allow others to be different, unique, and be willing to garner wisdom from their strengths and wisdom.

That to which you clutch too tightly or try to dominate will eventually be lost to you.

The more safe you try to make it the more death-oriented you become because the safest thing in the world is always to be dead.

Pain carries a hidden message. It suggests that a time for change has come.

All experiences provide lessons for us to learn. Unfortunately we continually fail to do so. When you try to find your way in the ocean, you must guide yourself with the light of the polestar, and not by that on the bow of the ship.

A loving word, a compassionate look, a simple good deed, all these can bring light to the lives of the less fortunate as well as to your own. It is not what you gain, but what you are able to give that brings eternal value.

In love, there are never two. We feel a river to have two banks only because of the water in between.

The teachings of Christ offer simple, Truth that have the power to transform self, community and the world.

1 Corinthians, Chapter 13, Verses 12-13
"At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.

So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

Disliking Don McClean & The Applesauce Incident

2006-04-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

It’s a bueno daylight savings day. L’s folks sent over some dough, ray, me to use on the kids for their spring break. (2 out of the 3 are loose this week) So L. thought we’d take them horseback riding in the Blue Ridge Mountains. At first I was trepidatious…not for the equine activity, or for time spent with the ninas, but because we rarely do anything as collective group for a reason. Not to say I don’t spend most of my free hours with the ninas…not to say L doesn’t either. It’s just family outings have been disastrous in the current state. (Those who know…know. Those who don’t can use their evil imaginations.) All was rolling, rolling, rolling until L tossed an apple core out the window. I know what you’re thinking. What’s a conscientious gal like A’s betrothed doing going native like that? You and me both. First I cringed, then I calmy stated, “you know you just bounced what was left of that Golden Delicious off the ergonomic front-end of the BMW behind us?” She shot me a wtf…then I busted out laughing, not the uncomfortable, laugh of a man trying to fill the void between disbelief and mild mannered shame…nope…we’re talking “a priest walked into a bar” with a clever punchline variety. In between breaths, “that really wasn’t cool.” Then she turned on the ice, like an after hours bartender.
“What are you mad about?”
“That was rude.”
“I wasn’t gonna call it rude…it’s more like an unproductive way to share applesauce with rural GA.”
“See that’s your problem…you always twist stuff around. Do you realize that you haven’t apologized to me in five years?”
Taken aback and trying not to bite.
“That's not true...I apologized this morning. Do you think I should apologize for trying to make light of an uncomfortable situation…my only real involvement - an unintentional role of get-away driver?”
(I wanted to toss in #1’s favorite euphemism – “Chillax.” But thought better of it.)
“Ok”
“You don’t think you have to apologize for anything.”
“Ok”
“Let me make sure I understand the chain of events that just went down at 70 + miles per hour. You tossed organic remains of the day…scared the NPR out of a BMW…put that German engineering to task… and me…instead of offering a spiel to the entire car on “Don’t Mess With Georgia” I opted for laughter is the best medicine in hopes of diffusing a potential sicheation…and you’re sweating me?”
“That’s your problem, you think you’re always right.”
“I thought my problem was that I never apologized…any other time I’d sign on for a tour…but lighten up on this one.”
“Like you never make mistakes.”
“I make mistakes everyday.”
“I’ll say.”
“Ok I’m gonna try and find some bluegrass…we’re in the Blue Ridge Mountains…I think a little Blue Grass will help.”
I bounce around the dial.
“You don’t like that song?”
“Actually, no.”
“Hmmm…why is it that when you dislike a song then you just go to the next station?”
“Do you like that song?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact I do.”
I change the channel back to the crappy, seven-minute rendition of liked song.
“You know, all you have to say is…I like that song…and I will happily stop the rotation.”
“It would be nice if you asked.”
“Ok.”
Listen to crappy song in silence.
“It’s a famous song.”
“I know that it is.”
“Why don’t you like it?”
“Just not my thing…I recognize that millions of people dig it. It’s one of those 60’s let’s take a bad song and stretch it out for seven minutes sort.”
“I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like that song.”
“You do actually.”
“I mean besides you.”
“I could be the only one.”
“You could be.”
“ You had Elizabeth in less time than it took to listen to that song.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“No.”
“They induced at 7:30 in the morning.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t start having contractions until 9:30.”
“How would you know?”
“Just made a mental note of the time. Remember, the nurse suggested I take you for a walk to stimulate things down there?”
“What do you know about child birth?”
“Let me start over. From the time I first saw Elizabeth’s pointy little head to the time I was cutting her umbilical…that’s the time I was talking about. I suppose…if we got technical it actually took nearly 10 months to have Elizabeth…but I was just being silly, really.”
“It’s just like a man to marginalize the role of a woman in labor.”
“I was just making conversation…it was more a comment on the long-winded arrangement than a statement on the delivery. Just being smart.”
“You don’t need to do anything to prove to anyone you’re smart…you let everyone know all the time.”
“You know this is the reason I was hesitant to do a family outing today.”
“Then you were proven right…weren’t you?”
“I really wanted to be proven wrong. Does that make sense?”
“I’m sure it does to you.”
“If it doesn’t to you…then I have done a poor job communicating.”
“Ya think?”
“I think my biggest problem…honestly is my inability to communicate.”
“I think that’s one of em.”
“We agree on something.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s one thing we can agree on.”
“That and Blue Grass.”
“I don’t really like Blue Grass.”
“I thought you liked Blue Grass.”
“Not really.”
“I’m glad I never took you to a Blue Grass concert.”
“You’ve never taken me to any concert.”
“You don’t like concerts.”
“You could’ve asked.”
“I wonder why I never got around to that.”

Sidenote: If you’ve never ridden a Belgian, in the muddy foothills…wear supportive skivvies. The larger the horse (and that was officially a small moose), the larger the…uh…saddle slapping. It was a ball-busting, Blue Ridge, zippety-doo-dah-day. But, the girls had a BLAST. In retrospect…that is all that matters. I am blessed to be breathing this air…telling this story…and having 3 beautiful girls that think I hung the moon. Doesn’t get much better than that ladies and gentlemen.

melon collards and the divination of the sexes

2006-03-31T14:17:00.000-08:00

My daughter has gotten into a phase where she tells everyone she bumps into that her “Daddy has a penis”. This is fascinating to her because every being in our house is female, including the dog. There’s Lucky, but he’s a eunuch. But, she crossed into uncharted territory when she turned around to the woman, man-handling melons and exclaimed:

“Did you know my Daddy has a penis?”
“He does?” shoots me an embarrassed, but don’t worry about look.
“It’s private.” Elizabeth added.
“Yes, it is. That’s good.”
“Private means you don’t share it with other people.”
“That’s what private means.” Fighting back full-blown laughter.
“He’s the only one with a penis in the whole world.”
Everyone within earshot loses it.
“Honey, I’m not the only one. Every boy has a penis.” Man walks by.
Pointing – “Does HE have a penis?” Man, turns around to see my answer.
“Yes, baby he does have a penis…could we talk about something else?”
“Sure”
“Thank you , baby.” I smile at the man…I smile at the woman.
Elizabeth turns to the man.
“Did you know my Mommy has a penis?”
“No baby, Mom does not have a penis.” Woman gets into it.
“Only boys have a penis. Girl’s don’t.” I nod in agreement. The man has now stopped his collard picking and is waiting for Elizabeth.
“My Mommy IS a boy.” To which the man’s color promptly drains.
“Elizabeth, you’re being silly. You know Mom is a girl.”
“She’s a boy.”
“No, your Mother has a vagina, she is a girl.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I watched you come out.”
“Come out of where?”
“Her vagina.”
“Gross, I have never been in her vagina, Daaad.”
Man walking off – “I haven’t either.”
“That’s great…I’m sorry we’re learning about vaginas and penises. It’s just where we are right now.”
“I understand, it's good to know the difference.”
“Yeah, you pretty much want to make sure you know the difference.”
“Do you have a vagina?”
“Elizabeth, seriously, that isn’t cool to ask someone that.”
“No, it’s ok.”
“No, it’s not, Elizabeth, I would like you to apologize to the woman.”
“I’m sorry I thought you had a penis.”
“That’s great…thank you for apologizing.”
“Say goodbye.”
“Goodbye.” The woman says smiling.
“Goodbye, penis lady.”
“Elizabeth, seriously, that’s not cool.”
“Goodbye, vagina lady.”
“Elizabeth!”
“What? I was only saying goodbye vagina, lady.”
“I know what you said…there is no reason to repeat it.”
“Goodbye Elizabeth.”
“I want to go home.”
“You and me both sister…you and me both.”

sense

2006-03-31T13:34:00.000-08:00

Upon receiving a globe piggy bank in Sunday School. Elizabeth’s spare change quickly found a new home. This globe was supposed to be filled up and returned to be sent to school children in Romania.

Elizabeth holding her full globe O’ money.
Elizabeth: Why does God want my money?
Me: I think it has more to do with giving to others.
Elizabeth: I don’t want to give money to God.
Me: Technically you’d be giving your money to Romanian kids. I think it would please God…that act of giving.
Elizabeth beginning to cry: Why do the Romanian kids want my money?
Me: They don’t want your money, baby. In fact they don’t even know about you wanting to give to their school.
Elizabeth now crying: I don’t want to give to their school.
Me: Babe, some kids don’t have as many books as we do…as many…
Elizabeth: I don’t want to give the Romanian kids my books.
Me: No, sweet, we aren’t giving any books away. They probably wouldn’t be able to read them, anyway. They read in a different language in Romania. We’re just talking about your globe bank.
Elizabeth: It’s my bank. God gave me that bank.
Me: Actually your Sunday School teacher gave you the bank to take home, fill up with change, and then bring back to Sunday School. For the Romanian kids.
Elizabeth: I don’t know any Romanian kids.
Me: I don’t either…but we know they’re out there, without books.
Elizabeth: I don’t want to give away any of my books.
Me: Maybe we should just go to bed, babe.
Elizabeth: I don’t want to go to bed.
Me: I’m curious, what do you want to do?
Elizabeth: I want to ride horses.
Me: Of course you do.

you have got to be kidding...seriously

2006-03-31T10:25:00.000-08:00

That seat. That seat is for you. Sit down in front of our flag and tell me why you are proud to be an American. Idealogues, corporatists and fascists (look it up, I mean fascists) are slowly taking control of your freedoms. Tis true. No, then let's walk through my handy fascist checklist.

1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism: Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.

2.) Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights: Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of "need." The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc.

3.) Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause: The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial, ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists, terrorists, etc.

4.) Supremacy of the Military: Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.

5.) Rampant Sexism: The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Opposition to abortion is high, as is homophobia and anti-gay legislation and national policy.

6.) Controlled Mass Media: Sometimes the media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled by government regulation, or sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in war time, is very common.

7.) Obsession with National Security: Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses

8.) Religion and Government are Intertwined: Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government's policies or actions.

9.) Corporate Power is Protected: The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power, creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.

10.) Labor Power is Suppressed: Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminated entirely, or are severely suppressed.

11.) Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts: Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommon for professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free expression in the arts is openly attacked, and governments often refuse to fund the arts.

12.) Obsession with Crime and Punishment: Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willing to overlook police abuses and even forego civil liberties in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power in fascist nations

13.) Rampant Corruption: Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other to government positions and use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes for national resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.

"Either you know the reason you're alive
or nothing makes any difference."
--Anton Chekhov

I should begin by stating that I have good friends who are honorable police officers. I am going to do a ride along next month with some of Atlanta's finest. It is hands down...one of the toughest, under appreciated, under paid positions you could sign up for. Unfortunately, like every business sector, you get people that abuse their positions. This is one of those cases.

I urge you to call Police Chief Louis Graham at 404-294-2606 and let him know that actions like this do more than bring shame to an esteemed department. They take away our freedom to express what we feel. Doesn't matter whether you agree, or disagree, with the expressed sentiment. We live in a country where we have the right to express. Period. Take five minutes today say "hidey-ho" to Police Chief Louis Graham and let him know how you feel about freedom of expression.

Without further smackety-smack, the below post is courtesy of Andy. Check out his rant @ http://www.andy2000.org/

"According to the AJC, last Friday night a woman named Denise Grier was pulled over in Dekalb County and given a $100 ticket because a police officer deemed her anti-Bush Administration bumper sticker to be in violation of the law.

In violation how? He apparently deemed the bumper sticker "lewd" because it contained the pun "Bushit."

Because "Bushit" isn't actually a word, and because even if it was a word, it's still not obscene, I expect that all of you get-government-off-our-backs Republicans are simply furious at what seems to be a case of an American citizen being targeted by law enforcement for her political views.

And because you're so angry at this petty abuse of govenment power, I'm sure you're going to want to call Dekalb County Police Chief Louis Graham at 404-294-2606 and tell him that you're not going to tolerate big government interfering with the free political expression of American citizens. You might even throw in a zinger about how the cops should be fighting violent crimes instead pulling over people for their bumper stickers.

When you defend Ms. Grier's right to express her political views with bad puns, you'll be telling your fellow citizens that your allegiance to the Constitution trumps your allegiance to your political party.

Yours in Patriotic Brotherhood,
Andisheh "Loves the First and Second Amendments Equally" Nouraee"

on optimism and questions

2006-03-29T08:15:00.000-08:00

Why is it that pro-life and pro-death penalty exist on the same political platform?
Why is anti-gay a religious hot topic?
Why aren’t poverty in America, and healthcare for the indigent, lower, and middle class, and equal access to a quality education, and justifiable, last-recourse military operations religious hot topics?
Why is love thy neighbor so difficult for most folks?
Why do we declare war on things instead of declaring things that must change, “unacceptable”?
Why do people get so bent out of shape about smaller government and then vote for larger government?
Why do people think morality can be legislated?
Why do people think care can be managed, marketed, and sold?
Why do we let the service industry co-opt community?
Why do we not see other children as our children?
Why are we more concerned about what we have than what we give?
Why do people think Christ is a Republican…or a Democrat for that matter?
When did hating other people become American?
Why will people “awww” over a puppy that doesn’t have a home…but look the other way when a person is in the same position?
Why do all of the people who live on the street “deserve” to be there?
Why do we often choose divisive…instead of inclusive?
Why do we spend more time in front of the television than we do getting involved with our community?
Why can’t we engage in open, respectful debate to discuss differences of opinion without resorting to categorizing each other into confining definitives?
Why do most people describe what they do…instead of who they are?
What does it really mean to be conservative, liberal?
Why do people opt for having their inards pickled and then plopped into a fancy box before burial?
Why do people make the mistake of thinking motion is forward progress?
Why don’t people give their bedrooms to their parents when they get old, instead of shipping them off to human warehouses?
Why don’t we subsidize room additions to our homes instead of benefit payments to corporations…when it comes to the care of the elderly?
Why don’t we lead instead of talk about why there is no leadership?
Why don’t most people know who their elected officials are?
Why do we pretend like no one else is on the highway with us?
And most importantly, why do Brittany Spears albums sell when she really can’t sing?
Why do religious and political discussions divide the room when discussions of natural disasters unite the room?
Why do people get wake-up calls at hotels and not set the alarm clocks?
Why don’t we stand up for inner city neighborhoods and refuse to let them become unsafe?
What can I do today to make a change for the better?

pharisees, pundits and politics

2006-03-29T06:45:00.000-08:00

To Julia, Olivia & Elizabeth,

Learn how to recognize Pharisees. They often masquerade as legitimate, learned and have a tendency to be long-winded on all the wrong rants. To keep God's written word relevant, the Pharisees used a body of oral traditions to explain how Scripture was to be understood and applied. By quoting Isaiah 29:13 in response to the question, "why do your disciples not walk according to the traditions of the elders" (Mark 7:5), Jesus sided with the Sadducees in rejecting the Pharisaical method of interpreting and applying Scripture through an authoritative human source. Jesus then added, "Thus you break the commandment of God, in order that you may keep your traditions" and "you nullify the word of God by your tradition" Mark 7:9, 13.

Out of all the Mosaic Laws, these two Truths were put forward by Christ as the rules to live by:

“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God
With all thy heart
And with all thy soul
And with all thy mind”

“Thou shalt love thy neighbor
as thyself”

so much for legalism…and man-made constructs & traditions.

Aside on Life #1

2006-03-28T06:53:00.000-08:00

Dear Elizabeth,

Should I not be here tomorrow there are a few things I would like you to test. See if they hold any truth for you.

God is Love, Truth, Peace, Grace and with you always. Be wary of what others tell you about what God “thinks”. Make sure you check with God before you sign-up for things created by man.

Try to get enough sleep. There are too many people crammed into metal boxes hurling themselves about…not to be one hundred percent present. Besides, the gift of life is in the moment. Enjoy that gift always.

No one can make you feel anything, or anyway. That, is entirely up to you. In so many words, you’re the boss of you☺

Love is a choice, Laughter is a choice, Smiling is a choice, Friendship is a choice, Integrity is a choice, Honor is a choice, Forgiveness is a choice, but you don’t have to DO anything to receive Grace, Mercy & God’s Love – these are gifts of Life. Making good choices will affect the way you navigate your time here. These are not rules…they are spiritual laws that have universal causes and effects (reaping and sowing – don’t get hung up on vernacular either – with the exception of a few Holy texts – vernacular is an exercise in semiotics).

Express what you feel in a respectful and appropriate way. This doesn’t mean you won’t hurt someone, piss them off, or contribute to a misunderstanding. It simply lessens the likelihood of doing so.

Be humble, loving, kind and generous to creatures, people and your environment.

People will mistake kindness for weakness. That’s ok. Some of the strongest individuals that ever walked this earth have received this sort of misperception. The only way to fight this is through prayer and Love put into action…in that order.

(more to follow…)

Lizardo

2006-03-28T06:24:00.000-08:00

How did you know your smile was exactly the shape I needed today? “sloughy” pajamas and that sweet freckled lilt. Arms stretched out ready. Singing your peanut butter song. It is an honor, a blessing and my sacred responsibility, beautiful angel. How any parent could deny the presence of God, I will never know. Have fun in Africa. Be your best…do great things.

Love doesn't seem like a big enough word,

Your Dad

even salmon run

2006-03-27T10:26:00.000-08:00

Jamming both feet into the river stasis and finding solid ground. The change in gradient is imperceptible unless you’re living six frames per second over several decades (not to mention patience and sacrifice). But looking down all you see is the blur of it all flowing. A slippery-slope, as they say…the gravel and sand swirl beneath the basis of perception. Blah, and double-blah! Look toward the heavens to chart a course. Random with a few knots of order…that ultimate display of balance and becoming…the vertebrae of experience. Enough to hold you in place? I think not. That which points us toward truth and complexity is sometimes quite the opposite. Can’t have one without the other lest we tip over…like a laminated stand-up. Expect more than a lenticular perspective…that false view of three dimensions. Hop off the rock and run alongside…it’s much more interesting catching cobwebs broadside than being a bumper for organic matter being swept downstream.

perfect stranger

2006-03-27T07:57:00.000-08:00

A perfect stranger…this was lobbed my way this weekend. Upon further examination it made less sense. There are phrases that have been co-opted into the popular lexicon that fascinate me. This is one of those explorations…diatribe in full, frontal formation.

As humans we live and interact across a wildly diverse set of physical and emotional spaces. We each design and attribute our own personal meaning of space (and our place in it) using a myriad of observable cues such as personal-professional, intimate-public, loud-quiet, and family-acquintances…etc.

Often, it is the people with which we share such spaces that dominate our perception of place. How many times have you left somewhere relieved to be rid of the people that inhabited that moment in space? On the flip side, how many times have you stayed longer than expected because the company was warm, engaging and enjoyable?

Sometimes these people are friends, family and colleagues. More often, and particularly in public urban spaces, the individuals who affect us are ones that we repeatedly observe and yet do not directly interact with…Perfect Strangers.

HISTORY AND DEFINITION

“The Familiar Stranger is a social phenomenon first addressed by the psychologist Stanley Milgram in his 1972 essay on the subject. Perfect Strangers are individuals that we regularly observe but do not interact with. By definition a Perfect Stranger (1) must be observed, (2) repeatedly, and (3) without any interaction. The claim is that the relationship we have with these Perfect Strangers is indeed a real relationship in which both parties agree to mutually ignore each other, without any implications of hostility. A good example is a person that one sees on the subway every morning. If that person fails to appear, we notice.”

The Perfect Stranger, by definition, would be the people we have an unspoken interaction with more than once. Completely unknown strangers we encounter once and never see again would be less than perfect, I suppose, because there is no familiarity. While we are bound to the people we know by a circle of social reciprocity, no such bond exists between us and complete strangers. Because we encounter Perfect Strangers regularly in familiar settings, they establish our connection to individual places. This is a community, in and of itself. The personal wallpaper that contributes to the overall experience of a particular ritual, whether it be grocery shopping, bar hopping or getting gas. All of these Perfect Strangers have lives, and stories. We are as much a part of their environment as they are of ours. What happens when we cross the line between stranger and acquaintance? How does it affect our perception of everyday spaces? Does experiencing the other person enrich, disappoint? There is a thin line between a perfect stranger and someone we recognize as having a name, a personality and a purpose. This line may be crossed once. When we make the conscious decision to include someone in our life…there is no turning back, regardless of how we weight the experience. Once encountered, a Perfect Stranger can never retroactively fit into that space again. It will forever change our experience of the shared space. It will either move toward…or away from a friendship…and it will require conscious decisions to talk to and acknowledge that person as long as you both inhabit the same space. How many people do we relegate each day to Perfect Stranger status? How many Perfect Strangers are dear friends in an fetal form? Zeitgeist zygotes. Fuel for conversations, meditations and story. On a personal quest to eradicate Perfect Strangers from my life...simply because I can.

random shot gallery

2006-03-24T04:48:00.000-08:00

picture book

2006-03-23T20:34:00.000-08:00

White Seed floats against blue.

Falling softly toward her arm.

“What are you doing so far from heaven?”

Her finger hollows out the earth.

Kindly covering up Seed.

Warm like home.

Seed enjoys a nap.

Arms and legs stretch sleepy.

Seed wakes.

Greeting light.

Seed sings morning to Bird.

Seed plays with Wind.

Seed drinks goodnight with Water.

Seed stands tall with Girl.

Laying beneath Seed's arms

She dreams.

Seed is closer to heaven.

Hope You Like Crap

2006-03-23T06:22:00.000-08:00

Plastic replica of an 11-12 week old fetus, 3" long, holding a firearm in its precious little hand, with an assortment of other military paraphernalia, encased in a translucent plastic ornament, with a patriotic yellow ribbon on top. Includes a metal ornament hanger. If only a womb were this safe, attractive and reasonably priced!

Show that you support the "culture of life" by buying and proudly displaying one of these patriotic unborn Americans.

Prove to your heathen friends once and for all that they're secular scum steeped in moral relativism as you watch them fall EVERY TIME for the old dropped wallet Bible tract trick.

Hidden inside this wallet brimming with the root of all evil are bible tracts...hmmm...wonder which will hit the trash first?
Who knows? One of them might even get saved!

Blow perfect bubbles in remembrance of Christ's resurrection.

idiosynchratic

2006-03-23T06:10:00.000-08:00

Reading the obituaries to see at what age people are dying.
Reading missed connections on craigslist (from all cities – fascinated by this actually).
Counting the number of female commuters vs. male commuters that dig in their nose.
Checking for belly button lint before morning shower.
Eating desert before dinner.
Prefer day old coffee to freshly brewed.
Dislike group songs in almost every form.
Prefer eating Mexican food alone.
Delete traces of my name on the Internet.
If my library is disorganized it bothers me…but messy cars...no problem.
Autopsies (going to witness my first live one this month…very excited)
Cop ride alongs are amazing
Talking with prostitutes & junkies…and sometimes prostitute junkies
Love graphic novels but don’t ever buy comics
Don’t watch television…unless I pick up a season, or 2, or 3 on DVD
Don’t have cable and have no way of watching it.
Will boulder with no pro…but leading scares me
Liking singing my daughter to sleep rather than reading…but know she likes the reading better
Would prefer to be able to skip normal meals altogether and just take a pill that would do the job
Find myself really digging banjo lately
Take offense when someone thinks differently of someone because they are from somewhere besides the US…but I can only speak gringo.

Black or White?

2006-03-22T06:13:00.000-08:00

Inspiration wishing is the worst kind of wish, because it isn’t for something tangible. It’s like wishing to meet the person that will introduce you to that guy who will pass your name along to the person who is hiring for some position that you don’t even know about yet. Being the eternal optimist I’m standing in the outback of my mind clad in summer threads catching snowflakes on my tongue. You either freeze…or you’re the first person at the pool for splash day. Either way it can get lonely. (no commas for a reason)

Some Kind Of Blue

2006-03-17T05:28:00.000-08:00

Scout, (As in, To Kill A Mockingbird) has found a new way to express herself.

Ever tried to remove oil paint from a dog?
Cobalt Blue footprints on white, Berber carpet?

This will be the mark of her blue period.

4th day no smoking...Melancholy Baby

2006-03-14T12:53:00.000-08:00

She keeps the letters he sent from Rome in a hat box, hidden beneath a stack of hat boxes that contain everything from the girls’ handmade, birthday cards to baby teeth. She would have to remove all of the other keepsakes to uncover it. Other memories left behind…a sonogram tucked into the pages of Slaughterhouse 5, chopsticks from takeout, the photos he buried in the backyard…a private moment in time for a future someone, somewhere to discover…and wonder about.

She lives in the house he had to talk her into. A huge yard with an unkempt forest…memories of early azalea in bloom. When the mortgage is due, she looks at the title page. It stings with his name on it. She erases it in her mind. Fantasizing about the day it will only be her. That singular long name.

She keep larger items in the garage. Secretly wishing squirrels, or rats would make their winter nests among his treasures.

He keeps all photos of her in her in storage. They will become family record once he is gone and the girls split them over a hot tea and a smile. His top drawer holds everything he values. His last’s umbilical, mummified in some tin foil. Hunks of hair from when number 2 gave herself a bob. A few letters and photographs from when he was younger. Miscellaneous receipts and notes to himself…reminders of mundane dates, for everyday things that cluttered his landscape…took up space.

She likes to think his things sit dormant in her house because he doesn't have room for them, because he hasn't gotten around to coming for them. He likes to think they are there so he has an excuse to stop by. She's too afraid to call and he's too afraid to show up on the doorstep to collect. She keeps the spare exactly where it used to be, secretly hoping he'll show up and use it to unlock the silence. He cut a spare from the original before she made him give it back, thinking someday he might need to go home.

How do you divide memories. You get 50%...I get 50% and some will get joint custody. The small things that held nothing but sentimental value he left. She noticed and didn’t want to throw away, not yet anyway.

She never really liked the home. He always loved home. Now he’s rocking minimalist with paper plates for 3 course dinners. She locks herself inside the acreage and tells herself she’ll paint tomorrow. She can’t remember what she ever loved. He can’t remember when everything got complicated. The sound of the lawn mower woke her up before dawn.

The first day she has slept in weeks and he chooses that day to maintain the property. She peeks through the blinds to see grasshoppers sailing through the headlights. The sounds of pine cones crunching beneath blade…a rude breakfast guest. He leans into something ethereal he popped into the CD player. Something distant….a backdrop for the rising sun. He sat up straight…even though his back ached. She took her coffee on the back porch and ignored the commotion. Life at odds is no sort of life. A distended belly…a problem tooth will heal with time. Memories and choices mutate like cancer. Taking living things with them as they overrun the season like the Kudzu and the honeysuckle that choked the azaleas.

31 Things Women Should Know About Men

2006-03-14T06:16:00.000-08:00

1. If you don’t really want to know the answer…don’t ask. If you get an answer you didn’t like…don’t hold it against him if his reply was honest, respectful and had nothing to do with your relationship.

2. Saying “nothing” when someone genuinely wants to know what is wrong…is sending the wrong message…if you want to:
a. resolve something (or anything for that matter)
b. actually discuss it
c. want him to know how & why you are frustrated, unhappy, disappointed, etc.

3. Men are jealous when:
a. they don’t trust you
b. they are insecure
c. they are cheating
Real men aren’t overly jealous…they figure you are with them because you want to be…and when you don’t want to be…you won’t be.

4. Men like to feel useful. Let him do things for you sometimes…it’s coursing through his veins. It’s genetic…really.

5. If a man doesn’t want to do things for you he either:
a. doesn’t respect you
b. doesn’t really like you
c. or is exhausted
Please Note: Men will clean the house, cook dinners, perform selflessly for hours and then get up to make you hot tea when YOUR done if they feel respected and loved.

5. One armed hugs mean:
a. thanks anyway
b. you’re good for lunch once a month - but not real friend material
c. not a real investment on any level.

6. Men CANNOT read minds. Men CANNOT read minds. Men CANNOT read minds. Men CANNOT read minds. Men CANNOT read minds.

7. Men want women sexy, and in some moments downright nasty…but do not think a man will ever respect unbridled freak outside of a committed relationship. He won’t.

8. Wearing his shirts – good idea
Wearing his hats – bad idea
Having a relationship with his family – good idea
Using the relationship to badmouth him – bad idea
Being real when he makes a mistake – good idea
Being distant when he makes a mistake – bad idea

9. When a guy says he needs some space...he is really saying, "I'm spineless and I'm going to drag out splitting up to either:
a. let you down easier (so he can get all of his stuff out of the apt. before you start the bonfire)
b. trail off sex
c. wants to date someone else while trying to figure out whether you're really someone he wants to commit to.

10. When a guy says, "I don't ever watch porno"...he is really saying:
a. I don't ever watch porno
b. I like porno...but I'm afraid you'll think less of me for liking it
c. I love porno and I am ashamed
Please Note: This one is a tough one since most men...at one time or another have lied about this one…even if it’s Victoria’s Secret lingerie catalogue (I’m sorry…it’s still porn).

11. Be weary of a man that never finds anyone else but you attractive. He may not actually be attracted to anyone else but you...
but he does, occassionaly, find other woman attractive. A man who lies about this will tag your cousin, your best-friend, or your sister. Count on it.

12. Men like to be chivalrous; opening doors, calling before appearing, sending tokens of appreciation…doing nice things. They do not like you to expect them to be chivalrous.

13. It’s fine to talk about what you want, it’s great to talk about your dreams, it’s even better to talk about your feelings. But, the first 15 -30 minutes when he gets in from work. He really does want to be alone…and it has nothing to do with you…and he really doesn’t ever want it to have anything to do with you. Truth.

14. He does not want to be compared to your Dad, your brother, or your ex. He knows you are comparing him…but he really never needs to hear about it. Same thing when a beautiful woman walks by. You know he sees the beautiful woman…but he should never bring it up…because it doesn’t really matter does it? He’s with you. Same thing with the comparing men thing.

15. If you hit him…EXPECT a response. He may not hit back…but know it will not be pleasant. I don’t know a man that has the Peace, Holiness and Composure to simply turn the other cheek in this situation.

16. If you want a man to treat your heart as if it were his daughter’s you must be worthy of that kind of commitment. This doesn’t mean perfect…KNOW this: When a man gives himself to a woman…he spends every spare thought becoming better. Because she deserves the best. This is how Father’s treat their daughters. They have to be consistently engaged because the relationship demands it.

17. Tell a man he looks good…and tell him why. But, make sure it is sincere. Flattery will get you nowhere…unless your wading in the shallow end of the gene pool.

18. A man wants to feel needed. A man wants to feel like HIS woman finds him attractive. (If this is the case he may be flattered by someone else’s attraction – but it won’t become) A man wants to be appreciated. A man wants the same kind of love women dream about. It’s just they don’t always have the best models for it. Have some patience. Teach him…he can learn.

19. His relationships with his parents are intrinsically linked to his potential. Focus on how he forgives, how he listens, how he accepts, how he gives, what he needs, how he gets angry and how he deals with unpleasant situations and grief. Date a guy long enough to understand the above…thoroughly.

20. Sex never gets old. If you’re not having sex and you used to…something is very wrong and it needs to be identified.

21. He will not change for you. He will not change for you. He will not change for you. He will not change for you. He will not change for you. He will not change for you. He will not change for you. He will not change for you.
KNOW: Change is something someone does after they experience an understanding. Understanding reshapes the heart…the mind catches on…and then you will see behavior modification.

22. Guys have a tendency to have difficulty expressing emotions. This does not mean they aren’t swimming with the same ones you are.

23. Running away will do nothing but ensure distance between the two of you. Odds are, your running, will trigger one, or more, defense mechanisms from his side…and before you know it…you will be nowhere near one another.

24. Cook for him…it will blow his mind. I can count the number of women, I know, who cook well(who are under 50) on one hand.

25. Being kind is the absolute best aphrodisiac known to man…really!

26. “Become the change you want see”, (thanks Mahatma)…if you want your man to be more romantic….then be more romantic. If you want your man to snuggle more and grope less…lead the way. If you want more time together…then 86 something out of your schedule first.

27. The longer he waits to kiss you…the more he likes you. This goes with everything else also.

28. Unless you want the relationship to slip away into neverland…don’t give him ultimatums. Ultimatums are for parties…who cannot communicate…who are readying themselves for battle.

29. Oral sex is still sex. (For those of you technical “puritans”.)

30. The quickest way to insure a guy doesn’t talk to you….is to ask him what he is thinking. Please! If you want to know something…ask specifically. You might be surprised.

31. Expectations are premeditated resentments…and they kill the joy of the moment. Expectations are premeditated resentments…and they kill the joy of the moment. Expectations are premeditated resentments…and they kill the joy of the moment. Expectations are premeditated resentments…and they kill the joy of the moment. Expectations are premeditated resentments…and they kill the joy of the moment.

inspired by maigh's list...but unfortunately I do not know how to link to her in this copy - click on the right on my links exchange to check out her brand of crazy!